Woohoo! Sweet freedom! I thought, as I stood on the dusty green stoep in my cotton candy pink flannel pyjamas. I waved enthusiastically as my father and stepmother reversed out the driveway. Beep! the car went as they disappeared up the street. I moon-walked back into the house and started thinking of all the things I could do now that my father and Cruella were gone. It had been some of the most emotionally and mentally taxing weeks I had ever seen. Every day: feed the chickens, feed the goats, water the vegetable garden, clean the house, yes ma’am. yes sir. I am doing it now ma’am. Ahhhhh! I was too old to be playing these games! I was so exhausted! So tired. My fuse was getting shorter, and I was going to explode if I did not get something strong to drink soon. I needed a chance, to woosaa. A chance to breath and gather myself before the next round of playing the perfect daughter. I had some money saved so I made a quick call to my cousin.

“Girl!”

“Are they gone?”

“Yessssssss!”

“What’s the plan?”

“We get loose!”

“When?”

“Now! Let’s go!”

“Should we make weed brownies just for an added kick?”

“Yes!”

“Okay, you get ready. I’ll go check on my dealer and then come pick you up.”

“Cool!”

OMG! I thought, this was going to be awesome! I quickly got ready and waited impatiently. Tick Tock… the seconds turned into minutes and the minutes turned into what seemed like an eternity. Tick Tock. Bang Bang! Finally! She is here! I threw the door open, and my cousin stood there with mischief all over her face.

“Let’s goooo!”

So, we went to the liquor store and debated on what to buy. After finding the perfect drink, we bought brownie mix and snacks. We almost skipped all the way home in excitement.

“Okay, how do we make these brownies?” she asked.

“How would I know? It was your idea.”

“Let’s ask our dear friend Google.”

And there we were, two idiots in the kitchen rummaging through the internet for a brownie edible recipe. After sifting through mountains of recipes, we decided to just wing it. 30 minutes later voila! Brownie ala edible. The air was thick with the smell of chocolate and musty earth. I had tried edibles before once and nothing happened. I figured I thought I might be immune to the superpowers of old sister Mary Jane. I was open to trying again though, maybe this time I would feel something. An unreal calm… I hoped and crossed my toes for extra luck.

“Let’s let them rest and ferment for a while,” my cousin said.

So, we left them alone. Grabbed our drinks and snacks and turned on some trashy TV show. How elegant, how lady like… Two idiots, cackling at the tv, covered in cheese dust and wine stains.

“It’s time,” my cousin slurred as she waltzed into the kitchen to collect our amazing creation. I joined her and rejoiced over our amazing teamwork. We toasted our brownies, “Cheers babes!” I took a big bite.

Crunch! I frowned. The brownies tasted terrible. So dry and crunchy! Ewww! No chocolaty goodness. Just a crunchy dry earthy taste. We ended up playing Fear Factor to see who could eat the most without choking.
Bad idea! I won the challenge and we settled on the couch again and continued to watch TV.

An hour passed. I do not know, maybe it’s because of the angle that I was sitting in, but I swear the whole room started to slouch. The slouch slowly turned into a rotation. One of my favourite books to read is ‘The Stranger’ by Camu. In the book, the protagonist says: ““And never have I felt so deeply at one and, at the same time, so detached from myself, and so present in the world.” For a moment I truly understood what he meant. I was in the world, feeling it slowly rotate. Watching myself watch the world rotate. I was in my body having the most surreal out of body experience and I did not like it one bit. It was so uncomfortable. I turned to my cousin to alert her that I was in trouble. ‘Outside of body me’ screamed for help but ‘in body me’ just smiled. I had never seen that kind of smile on my face. It was a creepy smile. Like I was having a stroke, but I was happy about it! Oh, the trauma! I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry but ‘in body me’ just smiled creepily.

My father and his wife would find me on the couch, covered in wine stains and cheese dust with a big smile on my face like I was having a stroke. Wow! What a way to disappoint my father. All I wanted was to let loose a little and here I was, way off in the deep end drowning in the misery of my poor choices… After an eternity of agony my mouth started to water, my throat felt weird and before I knew it, I had baptized my stepmother’s leathery couch in an interesting and vile smelling soup. It felt so good! Like an exorcism of some sort. My body wanted me back and was making sure everything was ready for my arrival. I settled in, hugged the body that had carried me through so much and apologized to be better and to do better starting with a well-deserved nap.