Plenty of things happen to all of us, we go through different challenges whether at home, school or relationships. Good and evil things happen to both holy and unholy people.
We always question God when evil things are taking place because we want only good things. We don’t choose obstacles we go through, we don’t choose to feel the way we feel sometimes, we don’t choose family either, but we have all that for a certain reason. It is sad that we are blinded by all the pain we face to realise that whatever is happening, is happening for our own good. Problems we face blind us like mist. We end up forgetting it’s all a phase that will pass just like all seasons do.
A few years ago my parents got divorced. The way they broke up wasn’t pleasant. To watch my mother crying through that whole process was the most heart-breaking thing I’ve ever experienced in my life, and I don’t think anything else could break me like that. There’s absolutely nothing I want more in life than to see my mother happy and smiling because if she’s heartbroken or hurt, everything else is just dull and has no life.
After my parents’ divorce, Dad decided to stop talking to both, me and my younger sister, and that broke my heart because I was closer to my dad instead of Mom, even though I loved her dearly. After all that I was shattered. I found myself questioning everything that had happened. Weren’t we worthy? Didn’t we deserve to be happy? Did he think that we did not need a father figure? Would everything go back to normal? I couldn’t find answers because the only person with answers was not in my life anymore and I didn’t consider him a part of me.
It was hard to pray, I thought God didn’t love me because he was there watching everything unfold but he didn’t do anything. I kept having nightmares about the man I used to call my father. Each and every time I woke up screaming and sometimes I forgot what the dream was about. There was also a time where I dreamt of myself in a dark place and someone was strangling me and that is when I knew I needed help.
On a Sunday I decided it was best to tag along when my mother was going to church. I told the pastor about the nightmares I had had and he prayed for me and told me to open my heart to God and talk to God and to also give all my problems to God. That day the nightmares stopped; I then decided to go to church every single Sunday because that’s where I found closure, that’s where I felt loved, protected and not out of place.
After going to church and getting used to the whole idea of praying and trusting God, things started getting better. I had hope that everything was going to work out and for a change I thought talking would actually help. Before that I didn’t feel the need to do that as I thought nobody could solve this, nobody could make me feel better. I thought that it was going to make matters worse instead.
I started talking to God more, I told him about how angry I was at him, my dad and myself included. I talked to him like he was right in front of me and as crazy as it sounded, it helped me. I didn’t get answers right away but I reflected back to my life, I realised that the answers were right in front of me all along, but I didn’t see all that because I was blinded by pain.
My parents’ divorce was a good thing after all, if it didn’t happen my mom would’ve been in an unhappy home for the sake of her kids. That made me appreciate her more and that’s when I thought I would work on making her proud, just so she could know she didn’t go through all that pain for nothing.
God works wonders. In order to understand his way we need to trust him, we need to let him lead us and we need to believe it’s all going to work out because we have him by our side.
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