It is only a matter of time, not a lifetime suffering. We all know pain as something that appears physically on our bodies. However, after reading this you will have a different view of pain. I always thought that one day I would have answers to my questions from someone, however, it took time to realise that I was the one with answers to all of my questions.
Pure gold is the one that passed through fire. It takes only strong individuals to bear severe pain and still stand. What can I say, when the unseen moves, life changes. It only takes God’s strength to sustain one during their rough seasons. Suicide is real and it is the fruit of the hidden thorn in our hearts.
It is not the right time to share the reason to my suicidal thoughts. Nevertheless, what you’re reading is true. I find writing the best way to experience all my emotions and pain that no one sees. However, through God’s grace I am still standing strong.
It was on an unforgettable Saturday when the world seemed to be ending, all I saw was death, and yes, it was the only solution. Was there a reason for me to live? Certainly at that moment there was no reason. Everyone around me understood and saw what I was going through but they had no idea of the thorn, the damage in my heart. All I wished was to die.
It’s not the painful things that lead to committing suicide, rather the person who caused the pain. When you put salt in a wound, it becomes even sorer. It was not only because of that current pain but also past damage. I still remember that moment, holding a knife to take my life. Well, what can I say; there is God in heaven, that is all I can say.
There was a day when I asked myself, if I have to die, will I have peace? Well, realistically, no one has an answer to that. I asked myself again, is staying in this anger, pain, and in so much hate going to help me? Well, no. The only thing this pain does, it gives me suicidal thoughts, robbing me of my happiness and taking away my joy.
Nevertheless, how can I get rid of the thorn? It is attached to my heart, it has wounded me. Remember you cannot destroy a tree by cutting the branches, you have to destroy the roots and the tree will die eventually. I went back to all things that broke my heart, all those who caused me pain and uprooted the pain they caused me. Well, that was not an easy thing to do but with God’s grace, I managed.
Pain is unbearable when it builds up, never allow pain to build up. Face the person who caused you pain, never say you’re fine if you’re not. Allow yourself to cry sometimes, always know you are also a human, know your weaknesses and find a way to deal with pain inside your heart. When you have suicidal thoughts, think of why, and remember that only pure gold goes through fire.
You are stronger than you think, that is why you go through difficult situations. Pain is a ladder to your happiness and joy. Always ask yourself, if the situation you’re going through is difficult, would you wish it for someone else? Definitely no. Therefore, you are strong enough to handle that hardship. Death will never be the solution.
Tell us: How do you deal with hard times?