I am not a long-term relationship kind of person; I lose interest fast, and cause silly fights. Let’s say I do not know what love is; how it feels, how to appreciate a person’s love or how to keep it. The longest relationship I have ever had only lasted for two years and in between those years, there were many fights and break ups.

I did some smart talking about the guy who took my virginity. I think I loved him. “Oops!” What am I saying? I don’t know how love feels remember? I liked the guy very much. I used to spend most of my time with him. He was the kind of guy I always fantasized about. A loving and caring boyfriend, but that was until he started being jealous and violent towards me. I reckon that partners should agree on certain things together; on how things should be done, but my boyfriend had the final say, and what I thought never mattered. That is when I started pulling back. Things were not working out and he would cheat and lie and beat me.

How was that for a relationship?

Okay, Okay! The rest of my relationships only lasted from a month to eight months, maximum. As I said, I lose interest fast.
From the very first boyfriend, after some quality time spent together, I would take a picture, a shirtless picture. It was a sort of memory for me because I really take sex as a serious thing. Having my first love become a lie and a cheat always gave me the idea that every man was like that. Anyway, the relationship had to end. You know how the saying goes: “Even good things come to an end.” It was hard getting over him, but hey! I did it! I was over him…

There comes a point in life where a person gets lonely, and friends and family aren’t enough. I would get lonely at times and think of my past lover, but then I remembered that he was the reason we broke up and I couldn’t go back. No, not after what happened. It was six months after the break up and I felt it was time to move on, but with whom? What makes the next person different from the first? I just didn’t get it.

Finally I met a guy. Down-to-earth and kind, but it didn’t work out because I wanted him to be like my previous boyfriend and to do things my way. The relationship only lasted for five weeks, but by then I had two or three shirtless pictures of him. Time passed by. You know I am a girl who fantasies a lot. I live in that world because it’s safer and peaceful. I have things my way. I married the most loving husband ever. Umm! Back to reality! I am single. Okay?

All my friends would go out with their boyfriends, have fun, and talk about them. All I would do would be to listen to how happy they were. I wondered: How do they do it? How do they tolerate all that? But I never got answers. All they would say is: “Patience pays!”

Did I mention that I love going out and I love alcohol? Yes, I do. It all started at an early age. I don’t know where I got that from, but it was in me. I would go out all night without my parents’ knowledge about my whereabouts. I still do that, but now my parents know about it, so yeah..! While out with my friends, there would always be those guys who come up and try and act smart to girls. I never gave them my attention but one night there was a guy named Dede. He didn’t stay far from my place. I always saw him but never spoke to him, so this one night, Dede walked up to me and we had a long conversation. I even thought I liked him but for that moment I guess it was the alcohol in me. So, we exchanged numbers and went our separate ways.
The morning after that, Dede was the first person to call to check on me. I thought it had been just for that night, but no, the guy actually liked me and we had a lot in common. From then on, it was one phone call after another. Then visits ended in hugs, hugs turned to kisses, kisses progressed to getting a shirtless picture. He actually gave us a chance to try and see if things would work if we were an item, but it didn’t last and we broke up three months after that.

After every break up, I would tell myself that I was done with boys and was going to be single and focus on myself, and I would do that for a month or two until a new love story came along. I’m just not meant to be single, I guess.

The End