A huge lump has formed on my throat that didn’t want to go away.

Tears now came freely as I sat on my car and wept like a baby. I cried so much that it was even hard for me to breath.

What did I expect anyway? Did I expect him to put his life on hold because of me and remain single because I was no longer in his life.

But a part of me wished that he remained single just for me, I thought that we will end up together when I have finally gotten my things straight but I was wrong.

I wipe my swollen eyes and took a deep breath.

When I have finally calmed down, I drove away and went to my apartment where I cried all over again.

My stomach was in knots as I curled on the bed. Whenever I closed my eyes it felt like torture, he was all I could see. The smile he gave to that woman was the one thing that just breaks my heart, how he seemed so happy.

Could it be that the universe was playing a sick game with me, leaving me miserable and making him happy.

I wanted to rip my heart out from causing this much pain to me, at this moment all I wanted was to turn off my feelings and never feel again.

I don’t remember the last time I cried for someone and here I was with my pillow soaked with tears, crying over a guy I barely even know.

But that didn’t stop my heart from breaking each and every second, my heart did not care that I barely knew the guy, it did not care that I was the one who turned him down.

It did not care about any of that, all it did was remind me how much of an idiot I was to have let him go and I agree I was an idiot.