It was a sports day when I met him, where we were competing with other schools. We are from the same school but I never saw him before. After my race I thought I was going to die. I couldn’t breathe properly nor walk properly. My legs were painful and I couldn’t stop coughing. I thought about to give up and I couldn’t believe that I was going to make it but I won position three. I was so excited.

Then I went to sit with my schoolmates and then there was this boy from our school busy going upside down, dancing. My mind was like “this boy loves attention”, I was annoyed. After an hour, I sat on the chair and I turned to the right. I saw that boy again sitting next to me with his so-called “female bestie”. They were busy laughing, smiling at each other as if they were lovers. I don’t know how but I saw myself talking to that boy , well his name is Rolls, “Mr English man”. I had to speak in English. I told him my name and we had conversation. He seems like someone who don’t love going out and I was interested in him but I just wanted him to my friend. His best friend was so jealous that I took all his attention.

The following week on Monday. I told Nokusho, my best friend and only to find out that she knows him. I waited about three day and Rolls never show-up. I couldn’t remember his class when he told me. After two weeks he came to my class. When I saw him, I felt something that I couldn’t express nor understand but I ignore it. He kept on coming to my class but I realized that whenever he is around I breathe different, talk different and I couldn’t look at him face-to-face. His eyes must be the most cuteness eyes I’ve ever seen. Whenever he smiles my heart beats fast which always makes me shy. I felt stupid because I was very shy. I didn’t know what to do when he was around. Nokusho kept on saying that I have feelings for him but I always deny but deep down I knew it that she was right.

We tried to hangout as some kind of friendship but there was a spark between us and I knew he had feelings for me. The first time when he told me that he love me and I said “okay”, and I didn’t know what to say but I smiled.

“We’ll talk, I have to go and write” I said.

“Have you ever realized that, you always say the very same thing everyday when I try to talk to you but you can go” he answered

I went to my friend, very excited and Nokusho was also happy. We end up dating and I was happy. I remember going home after our first kiss and everyone knew it that I was in love. Whenever I was sad what I could do was to think about him and I will be smiling alone. We had good communication and he taught me how to play chess. Every time he always win because I couldn’t concentrate. The guy made happy and I believed that he is the one. My classmates didn’t like him. They’ve been always saying bad things about him but I know that they will always be negative people in life. I’ve always protecting his name and some said I have anger issues but I just felt like I don’t owe anyone any explanation.

Later on I realised that most of his friends they are girls and I was jealous. Sometimes I will just pretend as if I didn’t see anything but it hurts seeing your boyfriend busy hugging other girls and that’s where I realised that I don’t want to lose him but he never understand that. Sometimes he don’t mind spending days without coming to me but I took it as positive thing. I thought maybe he was busy with his school work or maybe he just needed some space. I didn’t want to disturb him. I remember one day he told me that “my friends comes first before love”. I pretended as if it didn’t hurt me. He used to write poems for me telling me how much he loves me , sending good nights text.

We were happy, loving each other but suddenly everything have changed, lack communication. I’ve always tried to be there for him but he always push me away. Sometimes I would just blame myself maybe I would have tried enough and maybe that was his way to show me that he needs me. I couldn’t accept the change of our relationship. Everyday hoping that maybe things will get back how they used to but things keep on getting worse. Having many misunderstanding arguments and it always breaks my heart. I even thought about to give up but I couldn’t because I love him . Sometimes he wouldn’t mind posting his ex. When I tried to talk him , he always find a way to protect himself put it as if I am the one who is wrong. He made me feel like I was desparate for his love which made feel like I’m stupid. I had to accept that things won’t be the same. I broke up with him because I believe that I deserve more but I knew it that I still love him. It felt as the right to do.

One day I met guy. The Zulu boy , Themba. I never thought that I will fall in love with him after what happened between me and Rolls. I fall in love with Themba every day I would wait for him at the park. My mother would be surprised that now days I always come home late and I would lie and say, I had an extra lessons at school. Themba promised izulu no mhlaba and I fall for it because I thought he is different. He really loved music and playing soccer.