Laz seemed to have changed. I was actually growing deeper and deeper in love. I don’t regret meeting him . I felt he was the right one. Sometimes I wonder if I was doing the right thing. I wanted him more than anything. I was loving him more than myself. It’s been two whole years together and I seemed to grow more fonder than before. Yes,but, we had never had sex together. I wondered why he was stalling but on other hand I was happy because he was waiting to marry me. That’s all I thought.

Until one day I was busy with my instagram,I saw a glimpse of a picture of him. I tried to ignore it because it was unclear. Maybe its a person who looked like him. We all have someone who look like us ,somewhere in the world. Until my suspicion was more like a curious cat. It was on suggested friends ,I zoom it . My jaw dropped with my mouth muttering inaudibly words. I stares at the Instagram in rtogether can’t believe this,” my voice sounded sad and my throat was a bit itchy. My eyes turn fiery like words had turned bullet in my heart

I screenshot it for later.Sadness fall over me and this was the second time. There will be more times right? I was just taking a break for my catering business. I slide my phone in my jean ‘s pocket but I still couldn’t settle my suspense. My mind had a lot and f serious questions. Within a few minutes I had forgotten about it, I was always devoted in my work. I give it my all.I was so tired after work ,i just removed my shoes and dozed off in a flash.

One afternoon I had a day off. I was scrolling up and down on my phone. I saw the screenshot. I had to search the name on other social medias. I find that he had lied to me . He told me his surname was Siba and on social media ,it was Chongs. I went through the pictures and posts,my heart was racing as if I was in a competition.

I couldn’t describe the anger I had . I was devastated and furious. My heart was hammering and my lungs were bursting for fresh air. How could he ? I was suffocatin inside me. I knew his name was Laz ,just Laz but there its Lazarus. How could he do this to me? Why did he lie? O should confront him. Maybe I got it wrong. Laz was a shortcut for Lazarus.

I called him but he send a message written ‘ Will talk later’. My anger didn’t want me to sit still,I wanted to break something. I wanted him to know the pain he was causing me. My heart was broken ,this time its irreparable. Thoughts floated like frozen fields of loneliness. There were several questions that ran in my mind.

Why did you lie your surname ?

We will talk later 

My anger bubbled to the surface.Two days passed I waited but he never said anything . I posted all my findings about him on his number . i had lost my mind completely,zoned out definitely.What hurt me more was I asked for his pictures but he refused . He only wanted me to take straight from my phone. I thought he was self-centered . The more I thought of all his wrongs ,my heart sank deeper in a hole that I couldn’t come out. I tried to cry but nothing. I had to do something before I destroy all I had left with. The coldness I felt so much like the mortuary.

I deleted everything concerning him but not the memories we had togeyher. I prayed God to make me forget him but he was all I thought. I saw his face ,I remembered his touch,I smelt his scent. It was never easy but I had to let go.

“You better move on my friend. You will meet someone better than that shit. Read Bleeding heart,” a friend tried to encourage me. I wanted to cry ,I was in agony but I braced myself. Relief and happiness turns to far. I was sad,sadder,saddest.

Bleeding Love, Bleeding Soul (A Poem)

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BLEEDING SOUL, BLEEDING LOVE.

(A Poem Of The Heart)

Understand me, for my words are heavy

Ladened with pains beyond description, for I am in despair

The horizon seems to be far away from me, the mountains seems to be taunting my soul.

Even the lilies seems to lost their beauty to me, for the colours of nature has faded from my mental vision

Now pains clothes my heart and soul, pulling me down the abyss of loneliness and doom

Oh! How my soul bleeds, for its yearning for love is as hot as the flames of an inferno.

I need love, yes I really do need love.

Someone who will be there for me when I need them most, someone who will understand me

I need someone who will murmur words of encouragement to me daily, to keep up my fighting spirit.

I hoped and searched till I found someone, now the society is set on separating us.

More like the story of Romeo and Juliet, even a close friend of mine now turned Brutus of Rome

Now I’ve been plagued, not only in the ocean of a bleeding soul but also of a bleeding love.

Most times I let my mind wonder into the world of illiterate perception, agonizing at the pains of been here.

In this big lonely world, thinking ‘maybe I wasn’t meant to be loved’.

Neither by parents nor by the society, since everything I do never pleases them.

This is the voice of a broken soul, of a broken heart bleeding profusely.

Without hope and euphoria of life, the sad voice of a miserable future.

Clamouring for the voice of its sorrowful heart to be heard, yet pushed aside into the dungeon of negligible state. 

My love wallowing in tears to hold me close, but the society pushing them away from me.

I am an island, an island of rejected future in a land filled of future.

Can’t they hear my voice? Can’t they hear the heavy pounding of my heart?

I cry all day long to entertain myself grief, for I am a bleeding soul gifted with bleeding love.

Write me a poem dear poet, when the broken hearts and down trodden ones shall find love and joy again.

© Lucky Thompson

I believed the poet had been a situation like mine.Why do the people we love hurt us the most? I screamedvtrying to block the memories of him out. Sadness fall over me again. I knew it ,this sadness will fall over again as long I keep him in my mind. There was a lump in my throat,I haven’t cried for him. I pull myself together.

I had to forget him,I forced my mind to erase him. I kept my busy writing some stories like this one to free myself. Finally my heart was empty but head heavy because I was forcing my head to delete him. It happened so fast that I had forgotten him,that’s all I wanted to think. I can never forget the man I loved. I sleep fitfully through this night finally. I have mustered my courage and became stronger.