After-school I find my way to the library.

I find Lusanda buried in one of her books, her eyebrows furrowed and her glasses pushed up into her black hair. She’s focused, even though her hands are impatiently tapping on the wooden desk.

“Lusanda.” I clear my throat.

She looks up. She’s in a white tshirt, that looks like it has seen better days, a black trackpant and slippers. She looks so drained.

“I knew I’d find you here.” I say

“What do you want, Siboniso?” She asks me

“To talk. What Cynthia did was uncalled for.”

“I don’t care about Cynthia, Siboniso. I cared about what you said. Did you tell Cynthia about the kiss? Did you lie that we had sex? Why Siboniso?” She whispers.

“I didn’t tell her anything, Lusanda. I swear.” I beg

“Don’t lie. Don’t explain yourself. I don’t know why I thought you were different. You are all coconuts with rich parents that have fat bank accounts, I’m just the bursary student. I curse the day I met you.” She gathers her books and slings her bag over her shoulder.

She rushes outside. I quickly follow behind her. I grab her hand and she turns.

“Let me explain.”

“Let me make this easy for you. Get back to your perfect rich world, I’ll get back to mine” She sniffs

“I love you, Lusanda.” I say desperately. Shocking myself.

“I’m poor, not blind. What you did back there, wasn’t love Siboniso. If you loved me, you’d have stood up for me.” She walks away.

I stand there, helpless.

She stops, turns and

“You know what’s sad? The fact that I gave my first kiss to you. You were my first kisser.” She says, tears falling then she runs to the girls dorm.

I am left shattered.