When you died, I took your place.

Instantaneously, I went from boy to man.

I had to bear the yoke of the responsibilities you

left behind.

My innocence and childhood gone with you.

I had to be strong because you’ve always said ‘

indoda ayikhali.’

Now I ask, did you think of me when you did it?

Of mom? Your wife?!

Who now lulls herself to sleep with her sobbings

and tears.

Of your other children?

Who you cruelly denied a father’s love.

Did you ever think of the hurt and void you would

leave behind?

Did you?

It wasn’t easy taking off the school uniform for a

worksuit.

Dropping the pen for a spade.

From being the protected to the protector.

I handled all the family burden, one man.

I carried way too much without faltering.

But what was easy was recognising the selfishness

in what you did.

Being angry at you helped ease the pain.

It kept me going.

It wasn’t easy dad when you took your own life

because

when you did, I took your place.