Caught inside the whirlwind of my brain

Something tells me to venture out into the world while

Another emotion buries me deep inside myself,

Withdrawing.

I cannot claim to be strong anymore

I have become flooded with emotions

But emotions are bad; pure weakness.

Are they not?

This is a silent struggle against what my feelings signify,

The feelings that I can no longer quell.

Why do I think I am never the victor in this struggle?

Being strong, in my insecure mind, will set me free.

Will it not?

Free from the intense, burning furnace of my emotions.

Reputation surely cannot withstand these changes of heart, and

Already the fragile floodgates I’ve painstakingly constructed

Have fallen, now rubble that cannot block out

Being effusive

Letting myself appreciate and open up to others

Or sitting, simply and idly- when I should be doing work-

On the dewless green grass

To gaze

And smile,

Enjoying the roiling clouds wafting across

The azure, sunny sky of a summer day

When the sun bathes my face

And I feel warmth radiating through my entire being…

It is in these moments that I’ll find

What I should have been searching for all these years

But never have-

Me, myself and I.