WARNING: This piece refers to suicide.

If you knew the real me

Would you still stay?

Be by my side and hold my hand

As you are holding it right now?

If you knew

About the sleepless nights

That envelope me

Haunted with nightmares

Nightmares that tell me that I will never be good enough

Would you still be here?

If you knew the real me

That prays for death

And wants all this to go away

The real me that slowly lost interest in everything around me

The real me that cries like a baby when the scars on my wounds start to bleed

Would you give me that peachy smile and tell me that it’s okay?

If you knew

That I’ve tried killing myself before

That I think death is a blessing

And birth is a curse

That I know the world is better off without me

If you knew the battles fought against myself inside,

And the shadows I can’t hide,

Would you still hold me tight,

Through my darkest, longest night

When my smile is just a mask I wear,

And silence is my constant companion

Would you speak love to my soul,

Make broken pieces feel whole?

If my lonely tears fall like rain,

And I doubt my worth and pain,

Would you see beyond the mess that I am,

And stay together till death do us part?

If you knew the real me

That I hide from the world

If you knew the real me

That battles with depression every hour

Would you still stand by me

Hold my hand

Or would you,

Like a passenger in a faulty plane

Jump to save your own life?

If you are feeling depressed or suicidal, please know that there is help out there and you can get better. Reach out to SADAG counselling 0800 567 567 (toll-free counselling between 8am and 8pm) or their   Suicide Crisis Line: 0800 567 567. You are not alone.