I went to the doctor last week Friday.
He told me that there is a piece of my heart missing.
I told him that is because that piece is in heaven.
I’ve never thought that I’d be in such a situation.
I never thought that my life would take such a U-turn!
Living life without you feels so WRONG!
Trying to be happy feels like I’m doing something wrong.
I can’t believe that this is happening to me.
I’ve lost control over my life.
I’m searching for you in someone else.
I’m trying to change this person into you.
I just found myself stalking this person.
And asking myself “but why can’t he be like you?”
“Why can’t he do what you did?”
“Why, why, why can’t he be you?”
Why can’t he try at least?
Why can’t he pretend to be you even if it’s just for a few hours.
Or for a few weeks, a month or a year?
Why can’t he just be there for me the way you used to be there for me?
Why can’t he see that I want him to fill the gap you’ve left in my heart?
Why can’t he see that I want him to take your place?
I don’t want him to stop living his life.
I don’t want him to stop being himself, but
I just need him to be there for me once in a while.
Am I asking for too much from him?
I know I sound so crazy right now but it is what it is.
And there is nothing I can do about it.
I just don’t know how to handle this situation.
Why did the Lord decided to put me in this situation?
Knowing that I’ll never be able to get out of it.
Knowing that I’ll never be able to handle such a situation?
Knowing that I won’t be strong enough to let go and move on?
I feel so powerless and angry at life.
Eish man I can’t do this anymore!
I can’t pretend to be strong any longer!
I’m done, I’m done, I’m done!
And this time it’s for real!