Self-hatred is real and it leads straight to depression, extreme low-esteem and likely impaired my decision-making. It agonised me to the core in silence and gnawed my sanity and confidence to the extent that sometime I contemplated suicide to neutralize agony I solely felt.

These past few years I nearly found consolation in drugs and alcohol, looking all ways to escape reality. I didn’t have idyllic childhood, and I always felt unloved, unwanted and burden not destined for great things. Well it what I was consistently told and reminded frequently in my upbringing by the person I used to idolise. I never felt sense of belonging, cared and loved. I have been sad almost all my life, difficult to socialise or rather have someone to lend me an ears to narrate my story, not that I was seeking for sympathy but a nudge to the right direction and get help.

It was grim time of my life. I then got addicted to reading until it became a habit, I read every articles, blogs, novels and quotes. I learnt a lot about mental illnesses and how to deal with it. It made me realise I have been pointing and blaming other people whereas I was the one suffering. I had to make peace with the past, forgive and address the issue to come to an amicable solution.

Loving and learning daily about yourself is imperative. Identify your strengths and weaknesses, work on your weaknesses until they mutate to be a place where strength manifest itself. I believe reading is therapy if you pay utmost attention to it. “In the dance of life, it is not external circumstances that determines our worth but our inner resilience and ability to adapt” Stoic wisdom.