Do you know the joy of being a matric student? You get excited because you’re just a few months away from making your dreams a reality.

Well for me, it’s none of that. I never knew what I wanted to study at high school, I also didn’t know what to apply for at university. My whole High school life I was just winging it. I chose the science stream in high school, mind you I’m not that great at maths but I managed.

I managed to reach matric, I tried all my best to pass but maths was my weakness. I ended up getting a diploma at the end of the year, not bad right? Anyway I got rejected by all the universities I’ve applied for, you can’t imagine how torn apart I was, seeing my friends go to different schools but I’m still at home it hurts.

I took an unexpected gap year, trying to figure myself out, but the pressure of not doing anything got to me. I kept wondering what would’ve happened if I chose a different stream maybe I’ll be at school. I did nothing the whole year.

The next year I tried applying for every course I could, even a short course but still no luck. I felt lost, I kept overthinking about what my purpose is, I kept asking myself when will my time come, but those were questions that I didn’t have an answer to.

I tried applying for jobs but no luck, I began to think maybe I’m cursed or something, I lost hope along with the people whom I called my friends, depression became my best friend. My parents kept telling me not to give up but it was hard.

I’m now on my 3rd gap year, can you believe it? I mean is there a thing called 3rd gap year? But yeah that’s where I am. I’m still struggling to find out what my purpose in life is and I’m hoping that slowly but surely I will know when the time comes.