“Yes, I lost something precious on that day, September 16th. I felt like I died that day. He didn’t die alone; we died together – me and the child I had bonded with inside my womb. He died alongside me. I felt like my faith and trust in God died that day too. Church, God, and love were all I had left. My baby and the man I loved were both gone that day.

“It was a fateful, horrific, and terrifying night, like a beast had descended upon me. It felt like I had made a deal with the devil. The baby I had conceived with great difficulty, a child who came like a miracle to my womb, was born breathless. He was born five days after his father’s birthday. They shared the same birth month.

“My partner never got to meet his son. I was only nineteen, and it was my first child, my first son. The child was conceived while we were students at college. He wasn’t a mistake; he was the result of our curiosity. We eagerly awaited his birth, but I had no idea I was waiting for no one.

“I was left waiting for the lifeless body in my womb. His last days inside me were marked by intense movements that brought me pain. I didn’t know those were his final kicks, his way of saying goodbye.

“That day, my world began to unravel. His dad fell apart, and I think he died that day too. Our first child, our miracle child, weighed only 270 grams. None of us could hold him. His father never even got to see him.

“As time passed, he became withdrawn, trying to be brave for me, but wilting like flowers. His love for me seemed unchanged until he suggested we try again. I guess that was my last chance, because I never conceived again, even after we lost each other.

“The day I lost him for good marked the beginning of my downward spiral. I never found love again with the right person. Men came and went, rejecting me, abandoning me. I felt like a shop with no desirable clothes.

“I tried to seek solace in the temple of God, but even the pastor made me feel worthless. I died that day too. All that remained was a shell of the person I once was.”

Author:Ragalavhanda Fhumulani