Love shouldn’t hurt, unfortunately sometimes it does.

Indeed nothing lasts forever, now I know that for sure. I’m trying though. I’m trying my best not to think of you and not to dream of you.

I don’t know why but for some reason every time that I dream of us. I dream that we are happy and everything is okay and that you didn’t break me.

It’s my heart I guess. I think it’s hard for it to move on. I wish there was something that I could do to make my heart realise that you are no longer coming back.

This is the worst heartbreak ever. It hurts in all the possible ways that you could imagine. I struggle to bring my self to eat. I cry almost all the time. I hardly sleep at all.

I understand that at some point nothing really ever lasts forever but for some reason I believed that we had something special going.

You treated me so well and I blindly fell in love with you. You became all that mattered. I remember  how you sang for me on my birthday man that melted my heart.

Every time I doubted us working out you kept telling me that you loved me and no matter what I mustn’t doubt that…

It’s harder than I thought it would be. Every time I look good or dress up pretty well I feel like you could see me and hug me and tell me that I smell good and I look good.

I pray so much these days well I pray for progress in my life but I pray to forget you even more. I pray to forget the way you Smell and the way you smile and the way you voice sounds.

I feel like screaming everytime I imagine you being happy with someone else. You finding someone who makes you happy breaks my heart because you were my happiness you were everything that I had.

Just you holding me and calling me “sthandwa Sam”( my love)kept me Sane it kept me going no matter how tough life got .

Every time something happened with my day I couldn’t wait to tell you everything in details. I would imagine your response and our entire conversion even before we had one.

I could be myself around you. I feel like you knew me more than anyone. You were my best friend. Hearing you laugh was my favourite song. I never got tired of being around you .

I’m so lost Without you. I really wish you could come back to me but I’m trying not to hold my breath.

I wish you could tell me what I did wrong and how I would fix it. I’m sure by now you know pretty well that there was absolutely nothing that I wouldn’t have done for you.

I feel so empty without you. I miss you so much. It’s been almost four months now but I still can’t imagine myself being with someone else.

I don’t think I’m comfortable with being in someone else’s arms and I don’t even think I want that. I don’t think I can ever look in someone else’s eyes without imagining you.

It’s painful really I wish I could stop doing this to myself but it’s not on purpose. I really want you to be happy really honestly I really do even if your happiness is not with me.

When you sent that text breaking up with me you mentioned that you wanted some changes in your life or was it progress or something like that you said it like I was the one holding you back, like I was the obstacles between you and your goals and blessings.

While I on the other hand saw you as my partner as my teamate and I saw myself achieving my goals with you by my side. It’s all I ever dreamed of from the day I decided to love you wholeheartedly.

I had everything figured out in my head, the name of our kids like we had always imagined it would be just two of them a boy and a girl. Life would’ve been lovely honestly. I would have cherished everything about you.

I don’t I’ll ever be the same honestly. I’m completely shuttered . It’s getting better though. I don’t cry as much as I used to and I have decided to stop taking the painkillers coz the pain doesn’t stop anyways.

I wish that one day I’ll be able to sit alone and actually enjoy my own company like I used to do and I won’t feel sad about it.

I’m grateful for everything you ever did for me. I’m grateful for all the Love you showered me with. I’m grateful for the way you cared for me and the way you babied me.

Both of us weren’t perfect but I assumed that we were perfect together at that time. Our late night chats. Our late night walks and calls. Accompanying each other almost everywhere.

I have no regrets though. Hearts break all the time and I would love to believe that it was nothing personal and I shouldn’t hold any grudge against you.

I wish you could Unbreak my heart though and I could be the same person that I was before you came into the picture.

I pray that I heal from this but I know that I’ll never be the same again.

I am falling apart. My mental health is declining.