She was was my everything. I always treated her like a real man’s supposed to. I gave her my everything and left myself with non. I always felt butterflies in me and realized how powerful it is to have her. She was my best woman. My support system. She was my life guide.

I’m still trying to find a way to win her heart back but now that she’s moved on, I remain bruised. I’m still trying to heal from everything bad she’s done to my heart. I’m trying to find a better way to embrace these scars. She’s caused me so much damage. I never thought loving someone with all your heart invites misery. I can’t forget how she left me. It all happened in a sudden. She really caught me off guard. I always felt she had some things to hide, which she never spoke about. I always felt less of a man.

I remember this other day, I called her out for a meet up. She never refused or pulled any excuses but she did pull through. The weather was kind of showering but it wasn’t that cold. She was wearing a grey cropped hoodie and a tight jean which really exposed her body shape. She is got a nice body, chocolate skinned with some dreadlocks. So as she was here. Things went as normal, we had a bit of chat. We then kissed and went to my bedroom. She really enjoyed my company. And I can tell I was her real gent. But devil got his ways of disturbing, devil don’t like peace. I later on took her phone and went to her WhatsApp. All I can say is I couldn’t even say a word. I was like yoh! I can feel my heart beat stop for a while. I had some goosebumps and felt green-eyed. 

I convinced her about it, the things I saw on her chats. She told me stories I couldn’t even understand. I was angry at me. I said some mean words which I think were lethal to her. I was emotionally overwhelmed. I did some things I regret even this moment. But I’m not gonna let regrets have a hold on me. And then all this made me feel like I am not a man enough. I felt like I was weak. I’m not proud to mention that I even got her with a high five. I actually slapped her. But I knew that was not me so I also felt tears approaching my cheeks. I did not know what to do. I asked her to forgive me and that’s how things got complicated. 

I cried and tried to calm her down until she was done crying. I never saw her cry before but I was a bad person for her. I was a mistake to her. I always wonder if she don’t resent me of my past. But I still say I’m sorry to her. And I will always love her for everything she’s ever done for me. Her love always kept me on cloud nine. I miss her. I really do miss her. And I wish her a better life. I wish her all the great things in life and also wish I leave these in the past. I’ve grown now and learnt from my mistakes.

By Athule Konzaphi.