WARNING This piece refers to depression.

DEAR GOD

I always wish to just close my eyes and die. I wish to die before midnight but because you do things in your own time you won’t take me today or tonight, you will take me when I least expect it, when I have forgotten about all the sad days. You will take me when I am happy. 

 I know that I might regret what I’ve just said after the pain is gone but you know what?? I’m done with regretting how I feel and what I say, I don’t care anymore. My pain is unbearable and some people may think that I am seeking attention and dramatic but they just don’t know the pain that I feel. 

The people we love and care about die everyday, leaving us with bleeding hearts. Sometimes I just wish to go and join them. 

 I don’t know how life after death is like but I know how life before death is like. It’s hard, painful and sad. It’s like one moment you live a perfect life, comfortable within your own bubble, then the next that bubble just bursts and all of the good things are replaced by bad things. The protection that the bubble was providing disappears and you get exposed to all the evil

 I always feel like I’m living with a guillotine on my neck and at any moment it could fall and chop my head off, taking my life. 

 I experience happiness for only a few days and then the rest is sadness, darkness, pain and the monster called depression that has been following me a lot lately

If you are feeling depressed or suicidal, please know that there is help out there and you can get better. Reach out to SADAG counselling 0800 567 567 (toll-free counselling between 8am and 8pm)or their   Suicide Crisis Line: 0800 567 567. You are not alone.