We cannot heal when we don’t know we need healing…let us seek Within

My preconceived notions of how spirit communicates all lay in disbelief as my imagination was limited by my experience. “It should look like this; healers dress like this; I should know how to do this.” Little did I know that all those thoughts were blinding me from witnessing the little things out of my spirit/ancestors. When I look around me; on walls, clouds, pictures, you name it; I see my spirit guides (Those I know and those I don’t) telling me something!

I have always been gifted. From birth. How do I know this? I relive memories of my dreams and visions from childhood, I see how my ancestors have always been with me and that initiation isn’t a new phenomenon in my life – I have been guided ever since! It was only a matter of understanding what I was shown; ability to decipher my dreams/candles/visions.

Is becoming Ngaka-Moporofeta what I thought it was? To an extent. At the beginning of my journey, it was about ME! Me knowing the Self Within and healing my traumas. I got to understand why I had tolerated toxic people in my life before, why I was constantly seeking a sense of home and why so many people were threatened by my mere presence. I got to see my Dark sides – ones buried deep in my Unconscious that I didn’t know they existed! So the beginning of being initiated was being Conscious/aware of who I Am. The healing process is tormenting and unbearable because I can not in any way run from the memories of pain, loss, and betrayal. I did not give that pain the opportunity to heal – to acknowledge its existence. I simply went through life carrying unrealized trauma. Look, I knew I was traumatized, I knew I was hurt by a lot of people but I did not know that I was carrying that pain in every relationship I encounter. I thought it was enough to cry now and then but the root had to be realized! I was behaving in certain ways as a consequent of my trauma and my Shadow side needed that acknowledgement before turning itself into a beast.

I am only beginning. I will never stop learning in my journey. On this day, I am twenty-three years old and it was not last year when I started communicating with my ancestors that I became a healer; I have been one all my life and I am grateful. Grateful for the darkness for it allowed my light to shine. Grateful for the falls because I rose. Grateful for failure because I won! I hope to bestow all those I meet with kindness and light.

To whoever’s reading this, I want you to never let your light be consumed by the darkness of this world. You have a choice on who you want to be; you are both good and evil and I hope you know that you choose who to become. May you find balance in chaos. Be the equilibrium on the see-saw. Aim to KNOW and not BELIEVE.