Dear Nurse Apulo

It has been a year now and the resentment towards my baby girl is slowly fading away.

I mean,I’ve grown to understand that her cries are just baby cries,just her wanting to be held,to be fed,played with and loved.They no longer remind me of my own when her unknown father planted the seed she is in my womb without my consent.

I recall the time you told me that I had a human growing inside of me,did I faint?did I cry?did a part of me walk out of the door and leave the other one in which it’s womb an unwanted embryo was intricately weaving it’s parts into?

I could feel IT kicking in the area that had stretched to a gigantic ball under my breasts.

why was her home round?aren’t houses cornered?why was her stay doing this to mybody?I felt disgusting,with an oily face that pimples and acnes regularly held their family gatherings in,swollen feet and hands that made it hard for me to get up and face the world.

time flew fast and I remember feeling sharp pangs of pain in its so called home,I was very adamant going to the hospital at first because I thought the intoxicants I fed IT were slowly melting away its bones so I could release them in the restroom or rather they were collecting the very last few breaths I had given to it and letting them out.

maybe I’d have seizures and awaken to it’s existence erased.

yes it made its way out but when you congratulated me for giving birth to the most beautiful thing ever,I felt my whole world shut down.

why did it want to be in my life so bad?

did I faint?did I cry?did a part of me feel burdened that I was taking this thing home with me?

gosh,I regret ever calling my baby an”IT”.

she’s so beautiful,yes her skin lacks pigment,she’s an albino but the ocean puddles she has for eyes bring me back to life.

I named her Qhamisa,she will bring back life to the wilting flowers.

I ecstatically wrote this on my way to my first class after I had dropped her off to creche.

Love

Nami.