I often hear people say: “I love being by myself” or “I cannot wait to go home and be alone”. I too used to leave myself at home and return to myself after a day’s work or meeting up with friends. I liked spending time by myself because in my company, I encountered no pressure to be anyone else. Funny how we put off ourselves to go be with other people and return to ourselves later. The majority of our self-image revolves around what others think of us. When our view of ourselves is healthy, we tend to seek out relationships that will reinforce positive feelings. The converse holds true. So, when we find socializing paralyzing, perhaps this could be because we are encircled by others in whose presence we do not feel unconditionally welcomed. We then rush home where we do not have to wear our more tolerable masks. Perhaps what we should ask ourselves is, what exactly exhausts us about being with others?

Remember, edification is fulfilling in a mutual relationship. Without mutuality we are left drained, uncertain or irritable in social contexts. We all come to resent the love we have had to earn. I am learning that wholistic healing (beginning with your self-worth) entails healing from bad choices we have made in forming friendships. The next time we feel tempted to leave ourselves at home, we should consider that perhaps we like who we come to more than who we are about to engage with. If we do, perhaps it is time to show up as who we like or change our circles. It is so easy to wallow in dissatisfaction than to move tables. However, we are never without choice.