Am I ok? No, I’m not ok, why you ask? Well, I don’t actually have the answer to that, but what I know is that it’s not ok for a person to cry themselves to sleep every night, it’s not ok for someone to sleep with a heavy heart every single fucking night and hell it’s not ok for a person to sleep with disturbing thoughts every single night… Well, I do and I know most people do too. I am not ok because every single night I sleep with the same question… “Am I good enough?” Why that question? Well because I just feel like I’m not, a lot of people make me feel like I’m not. I hide the fact that I’m not ok with a smile and it’s funny how that fake smile throws off even the people who claim to love and know me inside and out, I really can’t live like this, it’s weighing me down but ironically I do, it took me alotta tears to realise that I need help and whatever it is that I’m going through is toxic and it’s eating me alive, I need help, but nobody can help me except me, I haven’t quite accepted myself for the way I am, I try so hard to be someone else who is not me, and every time I try, I fail, I fail because I impersonate a version of me that does not exist. l, I impersonate a fantasy hence the outcomes are always failure, one could say I’m trying to run away from reality, and yes I am trying to run away from it because it’s too much for me to handle, I try but each day feels like it gets harder than the one before, I have no luck in this so-called life thingie, I feel like I sin living, I’m just alive, I’m just breathing and I feel like a burden, to myself, I don’t want to burden anyone else, I choose to write down how I feel because it’s like self-therapy. I’m broken but I’m on a journey of fixing myself.