Buhle, that’s her name and a genuine beauty she is with a heart bigger than life itself. My Zulu earth goddess, I can’t help but feel all giddy inside whenever I utter her beautiful name. Pardon me, but her intelligence is orgasmic. I’d keep it all inside, but I’m more afraid than ever that my heart would explode.

Behold as I let you in on an open secret of how powerful words can be. It was not an overnight thing, nor was it rushed; if anything, I had already given up on the thought that I had held so profound.

Isn’t it funny that when you let go of something, it is in that moment it makes its way to you?

About a few months ago…I had decided to do something out of the ordinary. I texted the universe and decided to order another version of myself. Keep in mind that when I did what I did, I wasn’t in the slightest bit sure that my wish would manifest into reality, not that I did not want it to, but I was a bit sceptical that it would. 

So every morning, I would repeat the same affirmations and daily mantras. There was always a specific one I never missed to chant. I asked the universe to grant me a partner with whom I’d be 90 if not 100% compatible. I made my intentions very clear on the type of person I sought.

Behold when I tell you that my order came through! All wrapped up in a takealot package, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit, but you get what I mean.

Picture this: someone with the same interests as you, values, mindset, introverted, a fellow book worm, funny, just as weird I mean, the list is endless.

I’m walking through my dream right now. One would ask, okay, now that you have all of this, why do you seem uneasy? I’m that someone loyal to the core; even though I do not want kids or believe in marriage, my partner never has to worry about me having a wandering eye.

Still, I have some serious commitment issues, I don’t want to feel imprisoned or watched like a hawk, and I’m used to being on my own because I’m very introverted. 

There are never dull moments during our conversations; her communication skills are out of this world, and she does not shy away from being expressive, not forgetting to mention she has a black belt in sarcasm. I never have to question what’s on her mind or wonder what is wrong with her. If this is a dream, please don’t wake me up.

The reason I’m having difficulty in dealing with my emotions at the moment is that I’m scared beyond measure that I might be falling for her harder than I had with anyone I’ve ever been with, and I’ll admit that I’m emotionally crippled. There was once a point in my life I had given up on love and decided to bury my feelings, and the fact that I got precisely what I asked for petrifies me.

I do not want to push her away because of my fears or insecurities. 

I reckon that I’m a typical Aquarius who is not all emotional in a relationship to a point where my partners think I do not care about them. I guess I’m too laid back in such a way that I forget it’s a relationship and start to treat it more like a friendship, if anything else, and that becomes a problem. Nine times out of ten, I had always asked myself where I had gone wrong in making my past partners feel as though I had lost interest or was cheating. Frankly, the root of the matter was that I was too relaxed.

Enough with the depressing details. Now I think I have met my match, but I don’t know how to handle it because I don’t want to make the same mistakes again.