Words can’t describe how it’s like being skinny in South Africa. Walking down the streets wearing a pair of shorts having your confidence on a full blast but immediately bashed after hearing the mutters around you “why is she this skinny”?, like it’s some kind of sin. I’m talking as a young black skinny female living in South Africa these are the things I face because of my weight.

I never actually had a problem with my weight. Growing up I considered myself ‘normal’. Whilst growing up visitors would always speak to my parents about how skinny I was and what I should eat. I never really minded it because I thought they were trying to help me. Until I started getting bullied a lot and it really affected me I was mocked for my weight and I felt that it’s my fault I’m skinny, why did God have to create me like this. Some people don’t understand the pain of going to sleep thinking you not enough. I received a lot of comments for who I was especially my parents they’d usually say “eat more so your clothes can fit you. I’d do what they’d say to make them happy. But it didn’t make me happy I was dying on the inside why couldn’t I just be free from societal pressure

Till this day one comment that deeply affected me made by one of my classmates was: “You soo skinny no one will love you for that”. I tried assuring myself that they were wrong until I realized they were telling the truth. Both my crushes made it clear that they would never date me because I’m “too skinny” it hurt me a lot. No girl should ever go to sleep thinking she’s not enough and that there’s something wrong with her. Males objectify girls but they don’t look like Ken at all and they expect females to look like Barbie.

After that ordeal I began hating myself. I’d cover all the mirrors in my room with cloth because I hated looking at myself. I just didn’t want to be me anymore. I started stuffing myself with a lot clothes to make myself look thicker and fatter and I ate more than I was suppose to but it all went in vain because I never gained that weight.

It continued until. One day I was watching TV and I was about to change the channel then I saw a beautiful, young black lady who was tall and very petite walking on the runway and smiling rocking that pageant. I found myself watching the Miss SA pageant and the women I was looking at was Zozibini Tunzi. I watched till the end when she one. I wanna be like her I said to myself. After a few months I gained the courage to enter modelling with the help of my mum I was signed and began. It was the most happiest moments of my life I felt like I belong that I’ve found a place called home. I’ve found my purpose

Looking back I realize that I was very stupid for not learning to appreciate myself. One thing I have learnt in my self-acceptance joutney is “the biggest crime you could ever put onto yourself is hatred, hating who you are. People will always find something wrong with you especially regarding your weight but it’s your duty to realize their comments don’t define you. For example, In Billie Eillish’s song Skinny she says that: “People say I look happy just because I got skinny, but the old me is still me and maybe the real me and I think she’s pretty”. Her lyrics tells us that people will always have something to say whether good or bad. Someone once said that, The realest, most raw form of love you can ever receive is self love.

I was once that girl who hated herself for who she was a skinny girl. But now being “skinny” is my pride. Love yourself for who you are and no one should tell you otherwise and you can’t love anyone if you don’t love yourself. Self love comes from within.

For all my girls who haven’t accepted themselves….. Yet ♥️