“Why didn’t she?”

I have heard too many phrases attached to that question. It’s usually asked during the escalation of a situation or long after the consequences have unfolded. When a tragedy occurs, people want to know why a person didn’t just leave, see the red flags, ask for help, say something sooner, stop being stubborn, dress more appropriately or wait until a certain time. There is always a sideward remark whispered when people start looking for someone to blame.

These days, gender-based violence (GBV) is the root of most tragedies in South African communities. It is a scourge that has come to the forefront, urging for drastic action to be taken towards addressing it.

Gender based violence is defined as any harm or violation inflicted upon a person based on their gender. It manifests as different forms of violence including physical, psychological, financial, and so forth. The true extent of the problem was described by the World Health Organisation as a global pandemic that is crippling society. Although anybody could become a target of gender-based violence, women and children are more likely to fall victim. Scholars have long argued that social systems (such as cultural norms) put them in vulnerable positions that expose them to violation. Over time, awareness, advocacy and voices have been raised against the issue. The most impactful changes come from the education and awareness spread about it. However, the narratives and reporting of gender-based violence in our communities is yet to be corrected.

I have witnessed many forms of violation against people. Living in the heart of the city, I have come to know different people from various backgrounds and life situations. One particular story that stood out, was that of a mother of two and her abusive partner. Shortly after moving into a backroom, a few houses away, her screams began ringing through the silence of the night. Eventually, her violent fights (with her partner) spilled onto the streets for people to try to intervene. She was continuously advised to leave the man. However, it was clear that her financial situation forced her to stay with him. Noting her failure to change her life, people ceased to help her. Eventually, she disappeared. A few weeks later, a newspaper reported that she and her children had been found stabbed to death in the room. Despite witnessing her struggle, the disturbing question that lingered on the lips of many was,

“Why didn’t she leave when she had the chance?”

The proper term for that kind of narrative is victim blaming. It happens when a victim of an incident or wrongdoing is partly (or entirely) blamed for the harm that befalls them. Apart from carrying the trauma of an incident, a victim’s life choices are blamed for the violation.

The time has come for a shift in the perspective given to these stories. Instead of reports that are limited to the violations that befall people, the actions of perpetrators need to be fully acknowledged. Therefore, rather than solely focusing on the number of women who are harmed in an area, reports need to mention the number of perpetrators committing these crimes. Not only will that allow for in-depth discussions about the true nature of violations but there can also be a balance of statistics. Hopefully, victims can be encouraged to seek justice and rest assured that the responsibility of the crimes will fall onto the wrongdoers. Most importantly, community members can have a proper idea of who is at fault.

Recently, globalcitizens.org (December 2020) released an article about the need for proper reporting surrounding the issue of gender-based violence. They argued for detailed and perspective accounts to be given to audiences. They highlighted the issue of accuracy and language. It was noted that news reports usually water down, over-sensationalise or avoid using the proper term for the violations that occur. In turn, perpetrators are protected from scrutiny and their actions are portrayed as less horrendous. Ultimately, the extent of their crimes remain hidden from the community. When victims aren’t given proper representation, when they are humiliated and exploited, the impact of gender-based violence can easily become blurred.

The fight to end gender based violence is ongoing. It deserves to be given greater awareness with a clear distinction between victims and perpetrators. Change comes from the small steps taken towards achieving a goal. Therefore, we should not limit our questions to why a person didn’t take precautions to survive. We should also be asking about those who wouldn’t treat them better or allow them to live.

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This piece is part of a special collection of essays and poems called Women in the World. Click here to browse more stimulating reads.

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