“Humility is the ability to give up your pride and still retain your dignity”

My second year philosophy lecturer once gave us an assignment. I took my time, and did a lot of research to complete the assignment. After three weeks, our marks and scripts were back. When I collected mine, I found out that I got 68 percent. But when I looked at my work, I strongly believed that I deserved more. He posted the memo, and I realized that there was a section in the memo with relatively a lot of marks that was not clearly stated in the question paper. I went to him, and I talked to him nicely about this. He was having a bad day I must say, considering the way he was talking to me. Even when he was raising his voice, I kept mine down; I raised my point and not my voice. He eventually told me to leave his office. When I was at the door, he called me and said, “Most students visited my office today with the same problem, they came here with different attitudes, but you were humble. You will do better than your peers.” Well, I did not get what I was looking for, but I left that office with a very important lesson.

They say attitude determines your altitude. If you want to get somewhere in life, you will have to pass through a lot of people. For you to pass smoothly, a humble demeanor is encouraged. You will need help from a lot of people. Do not think of yourself as someone who knows everything, be humble and ask. Pride will not get you anywhere. Humility will enable you to gain favours from people. It will allow you to have productive relationships with people. In business it is called human capital.

Also note that as much as you want to be surrounded by good people, those people also want the exact same thing. Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you. Be kind to others, and they will be kind to you. Help them if you can, and they will help you when you need them if they can. An ex friend of mine is very talented in this field. Yah `ex’, he impregnated the girl I had a crush on. He would literally get along with everyone in the residence. If you wanted something, he was the guy to talk to since he would be able to refer you to someone who could help you if he was unable to. His secret was simple: he was kind, humble and was willing to help when he could.

I believe it is important that you understand a few things before you help someone. It must be with something you know you can do or at least try to do. Tell them when you cannot help them or refer them to someone who can if you know you will just be wasting their time and yours. Even if you can help, do not offer if you do not have the time or if it means that you must compromise something important to you. Tell them to come some other time when you will be free. You do not want to be that person who is always complaining about people wasting your time even though you had initially agreed to help. My ex friend was a happy guy, because he knew when to assist and who to go to when he needed help.

If you want something right now, do you know the guy that knows someone somewhere who can help you with that thing? If someone in your class gets a memorandum of the next test you are writing, will it reach your hands? As much as it is important to surround yourself with great people, it is equally important to have valuable connections even with people you do not see every day. The ideal situation that we are all working towards is that each and every one of us must be good at something. And our lives must be simplified by what others are good at. If you want someone to invest in your idea, if you want someone to help you with something, you must know exactly who to call.

I have come to a realization that people with great interpersonal skills struggle less in life when compared to those who do not have these skills. The meaning of this is that you have to go out there and build your network and expand your sphere of contact with boldness and confidence. People like to interact with con dent and courageous people. Be that person. Teach yourself how to approach a total stranger and create friendships that will last. You have to make sure that the people you meet remember you. The way I do this is by sending an email summarizing the first encounter I had with the person. The next time I want to talk to the person, I just reply to that very same email and I can say with certainty that the person will remember me. We all have something to offer in this life. This can either be a good or a bad thing. Hence you have to be extra careful when you build your network. It is also important to have a variety of skills in your network; people who are good in other subjects, people working in small and big companies, people studying what you want to study at tertiary, law-related, medical related, business-related, etc.

I know a guy who struggled with a first year chemical engineering course at university. He realized this and decided to build his network around people who were doing well. The amazing thing about his newly found network is that; it supported him. He managed to pass at the end. There were also people whose struggles were not as difficult as his but because of their attitude and the nature of people they surrounded themselves with, they failed and were excluded from the university. This serves to highlight the importance of networking. It can either build you or destroy you.

I want you to understand me here. I am not saying that you should go out there and become a bloodsucker. People do not want to be associated with bloodsuckers; not even bloodsuckers themselves like bloodsuckers. Bloodsuckers are those people who only go to other people when they need something. They actually expect other people to do things for them, rather than being guided so they can do it themselves. You need to make sure that those in your network know that they can be free to come to you when they need some help. Do not forget the main aim which is to learn. Even when you know someone who can help you with something, do not just go immediately without attempting to solve the problem. Attempt to work on it first and see if you can sort it out by yourself. When you are totally stuck and do not know what to do next, ask yourself; who in my network can I run to?

This is actually one of the reasons why some students do not make it in varsity. They will be asking for help with a tutorial question even before they have attempted it themselves. At the end of the day they will have all the answers on paper without any understanding. Come exam time, it is too late for them. This principle applies both in school and in life, the ultimate aim is to learn. Do it yourself first!!!

“When friends are dark, days are few”

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