“Do not stop when you are tired, stop when you are done”- Marilyn Monroe

Your why

What drives you? Why do you do the things you do? Sometimes after some motivational talks or anything inspiring, you usually have that deep desire to act on your dreams as soon as possible. But this desire often fades after a day or two. The reason why this feeling does not last is because it has a little bit less to do with what really drives you. Long-lasting motivation is personal. It is specific to a person and the task to be achieved. Why is it important to you to complete a certain task? Your `why’ is what should motivate you. What sat me down to write this book as opposed to directing my time and energy to other things is the fact that my brother will be going to university next year. I want him to be prepared for university so he can do exceptionally well. This is my ‘why’ for completing this book.

As much as it is important for you to have dreams and know what you want to achieve, it is equally important for you to know the reasons `why’ it is important to achieve those dreams. This can include short, medium and/or long term goals. Also think of strategic plans of how you are going to achieve them. Depending on how strong your `why’ is, this should be relatively easy, since it can make you willing to do whatever it takes. Write all that you think you know about these goals in a book. Every now and then, maybe once a week, once in two days or every day; take this book and read it and remind yourself of the goal that needs to be achieved. Evaluate your life and progress according to these goals. Look at the way you are living and try to compare it with the route you need to travel in order to reach these goals. Strategize and organize the way you live your life in such a way that will lead you towards achieving those goals. Being goal orientated is not only about having goals, but also having a big enough drive to realize those goals. The drive is influenced by the knowledge of why you have the kind of goals you have and how they will impact what you value the most.

When a driver drives he/she first identifies the destination. He/she then identifies a route to get there relative to the current location. The decision of whether to turn right or left is governed by the destination. When lost, he/she would consult a navigator or ask around for directions. His/her `why’ will not allow him to pass by other places since that could prove to be a waste of valuable time and petrol. As a student, this is how you should live your life i.e. guided by your dreams and aspirations, and a strong enough `why’ to achieve.

Having a destination in mind and the means of getting there is not enough. Is your ‘why’ strong enough to keep you motivated? You need to bear in mind that there is a possibility that not everything will go according to plan. You must be motivated enough so that when things go bad, you are still able to `soldier on’. Are you willing to move mountains, and slay dragons that may hinder you on your path? Motivation makes the impossible seem possible, it lifts your spirit when you think that giving up is the only option. Are you motivated enough? Motivation will push you to work even harder; it will reveal energy inside you that you did not even know was there. The `why’, i.e. motivation, is the driving force for success. In science, the movement of heat is from hot to cold. This means that a difference in temperature has to exist for heat to move, making temperature difference the driving force. Now, this means that when there is a higher temperature difference between two mediums, we will witness a higher amount of heat being transferred. I believe that by now you are aware of where this applies in your life. The level of your motivation will either drive you towards your destination or keep you away from it. Ask yourself this, am I moving towards my destination, am I stagnant or am I going astray? It has to be acknowledged that even with motivation in its highest form, the journey is not going to be a smooth one. It is the nature of life I guess. As pupils, particularly from disadvantaged backgrounds you have to be resilient and have a thick skin because your `why’ is really not that difficult to find.

When I registered at the University of the Witwatersrand, I met a lot of people who told me that graduating in record time is impossible for people like me who come from rural public schools. I was almost convinced because most of the people that I met were either repeating a year or a module. What got me through is my `why’. I stopped looking at things the way these people wanted me to, I stopped looking at my life relative to theirs. I believed that I was unique and if there is a person who will graduate in record time, I will be that person. I had to have my own definition of success, one that could not be altered by circumstance or individuals. I graduated in record time, something that was said to be impossible by my peers. What I want you to get from this is that you must have your own definition of success. This is important because if you do not do it, other people will define it for you. Your potential and achievements will be limited by these people. Defining your success also equips you with the right mindset and motivation when it comes to executing your plan. When you get this right, what you can do becomes limitless. It is more like coming to a university so as to fit in, and after fitting in, you stand back and embrace your individuality.

Define your success

Have your own definition of success! If society or other individuals de ne it for you, you will not be motivated enough to work towards it. You limit your potential and compromise your happiness by working towards other people’s definition of success. When I was in grade 9, I started in grade 9C. Positions were used to allocate learners. The best performing learners were placed in grade 9A and the next group was placed in grade 9B, in that order, up to grade 9E. This system was only implemented from the second quarter using the first quarter exam results. So you go to any class in the first quarter. The reason why I decided to start at C was because I wanted people to talk about me as the guy that jumped from grade 9C to grade 9A. When I was in 9C, I used to do better than all my classmates in all tests. If I got 60% for the test and the person following me got a mark less than mine, let us say 45% for example I felt like I was on the right path. When the first quarter ended, I took first position in my class, but position seventeen in the whole grade. From the second quarter onwards, I was in the top 5 both in the class and in the grade.

In the first quarter, I allowed my classmates to define my success: when I got 60%, I felt that I was doing very well since I was top of the class. My potential was defined by circumstance. From second semester onwards, I decided to define my own success: If I get above 90% in the next test, then I’m on the right path. So when I got 80% and the rest of the class got less than 60 percent, I still felt the need to work harder because I had failed to beat my own target. You will have problems if you allow society to de ne how you should be successful. You will have problems if you measure your level of success by how successful those around you are. You can be the only person who completed matric from your area, do not use that to convince yourself that you are successful; but rather use that as a motivation that you are capable of doing so much more.

We have people who are drowning in debt today simply because they were trying to match up with what society had defined for them as success. To some people, to be successful is to be able to meet their basic needs. To some, success is to be able to provide for their families and send their children to school. If they are happy with what they have defined for themselves as success, there is nothing wrong with it. Other people will buy expensive clothes and fancy cars that they cannot even afford (nor do they need) just for society to approve that they are successful. Just because the next person owns a fancy item does not mean you should own one as well. It is their item, hopefully it is within their definition of success and owning it makes them happy. If you attempt to get the same you will just be wasting your money because it will not make you happy. It is more like artificial happiness as it does not last. During my third year of study, I used some of my savings to buy an expensive smartphone and this was because all my friends were using an expensive smartphone. All my friends were impressed, but to be honest I did not really like it. I did not feel bad at all when I got mugged in the streets of Johannesburg.

People are in huge debt as a result of trying to get approval from their friends regarding their success. Students in tertiary institutions are buying fancy clothes using their textbook funds this is bad and very sad. They are dating sugar daddies just to get expensive hair styles, clothes and gadgets so that their friends can approve of them. That is what they chose to drive them and it is sad because they will never be happy in life. In fact despite all these material items, you find that they are actually empty inside and depressed. A genuine driving force is internal. Have your own definition of success and you will not only be motivated to work towards it but you will also not compromise your potential and happiness.

I once went to Carltonville in Gauteng for my niece’s birthday party. She was turning one (NcooooooH!!!!). In the afternoon we were having cake and there were a lot of kids. Later on that evening, there was a braai for older people. I did not know anyone except my brother. I found myself talking to these two beautiful girls. The night was still young and I was feeling lucky. The nerdy me failed to hide, so I started asking them about their careers (I assumed they worked as they were there to support my older brother). I was shocked when they told me that they were in matric (I did not know why they were there so I should not judge). I proceeded by asking them what they were planning to do after matric. “I want to do a driver’s license”, one responded. “What about you?” I asked the other one and she replied, “I want to apply to be in the police force”. I stopped myself from being sad and I asked the one with prospects of being a police officer what she would be doing with the money she would be earning and she replied while clapping the other one’s hand, “I will drink it!!” I could not take it anymore, I left to go to sleep. I was very sad on their behalf.

From that experience, I realized that even when you have the freedom or the right to define your own success, try not to think local, rather #ThinkGlobal. They say aim for the moon and in case you miss you will land amongst the stars. I think they should have said aim for the stars and in case you miss you will land on the moon since the stars are furthest from the moon relative to our planet. A good friend of mine always encourages his Facebook followers to think global. You can think global or universal or even galactically (if there’s such a word) or at least continental. Where are you going to land if you miss on your local ideas? It is sad. Your thinking should expand beyond the borders of your village.

Define your entertainment

The other important thing that you must not allow society to de ne for you is entertainment. Why do young people start drinking, smoking, sleeping around, etc? It is because they are trying to match up with the definition of entertainment set by society. You are boring if you don’t drink or smoke, you are not interesting if you don’t go out, etc. It’s rubbish!!!! If sitting indoors and listening to music or going to church is fun for you, do not feel bad. You are an individual, you know yourself better than society. Define your own entertainment the way it suits you. Immediately when you try to keep up with the social standards, you are no longer yourself. I know a guy who dated a girl long time ago. She dumped him because he never touched her and he always talk about church and school (yeah, he was that guy). He did not take it very well and he turned into a young player for a while before he came to his senses again. She was justified to dump him because he was not in line with what she had chosen for herself (of which I believe society played a major role; you are not dating if you don’t talk dirty, touch, kiss, etc.). He was the one who was not justified to change his lifestyle as a result. If you find yourself in a place where you have to adjust yourself in order to fit in, you don’t belong there. If you stick to your own definitions and hang out with people with similar definitions, you won’t have to change who you are in this life and you will be less distracted in obtaining that which success means to you.

There is a poem by Wilfred Owen titled `An anthem for doomed youth’, it was written in the world war era and it speaks of the high number of youth who were dying on battlefields. And today, when I see young people who cannot think independently, I cringe and think of this title, to me it resonates ‘a doomed youth’.

If you are not sure about where you should start; Warren Buffet once advised a group of students to do a little exercise. He asked them to think about their role models, people that inspire them, i.e. people they would not mind trading places with. Those who have achieved goals which are slightly similar to what you would like to achieve. He then continued by telling them to point out five qualities that are common amongst those people. Those are the qualities you should start working on from today. I’ll add on that by encouraging you to also look at how those people define success and entertainment. From this exercise, you will get an idea or a clue with regard to other qualities you should work on, how you should have your own definition of fun and that of success.

I would conclude by suggesting that perhaps your current circumstance and you wanting to change it can be a good start. Your thinking should not be constrained to your village just because that is all you can see. Your vision should stretch beyond the realm of the now and here. If your vision and dreams do not scare you then you are not dreaming hard enough. When you dream you must dream of something so big and unimaginable such that it scares you, otherwise it is not worth it. The great inventors of the day first dreamt of things and products that they did not know. Through passion and perseverance, they made sure to bring them to reality. Your dreams should scare you so bad they keep you awake at night. I once posted the following comment on Facebook:

A human brain is capable of doing whatever it believes can be done. Before the first cellphone was made for example, people did not even think that something like that was possible (because it did not make sense at that time) until the man who invented it believed it could be done, and this made it possible for him to actually do it. When people saw this, they started believing that it was possible. How many cellphone brands do we have today as a result? I am personally convinced that we can still have better than the Newtons and Einsteins in our generation, YOU! There are lots of things to be invented. The question should be, what do YOU believe can be done. It doesn’t have to make sense.

“If it is important to you, you will find a way. If it is not, you will find an excuse.”

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Tell us what you think: Did you find this chapter helpful? Which points stood out for you?