Well done, you idiot. Tomorrow we would have been the perfect couple for two years and you go and pick a fight. If that is not just ruining things, then what is it?

Next door the jazz stops. Then starts again. Did Lulama hear our argument? It doesn’t matter if he did. He and his family have shared everything with us since we moved here when I was two.

I log onto Facebook on my phone, play the video again. It’s really not cool. First of all, it makes me look like I was totally in on the mockery, when I actually stopped laughing and started a whole debate among the group. I said, “Isn’t it just weird that fashion keeps showing beautiful women as if they have nothing in their heads. Everyone films them as sexy or sad or just eager to please. But nothing else. It’s weird.”

And my friend, Tenjiwe said, “It’s just another way of keeping women down. Making them look stupid.”

She and I huddled together and talked about how it all started with the industrial revolution and consumerism and how the West forced their standards of beauty onto African people. The top black international models are the long slim ones with the bread-board bums. We laughed even harder and felt better that we two women, at least, understood each other.

And the way Dubu filmed me on the video clip, like I’m just a collection of body parts. I tap the play arrow again. My boobs do look huge.

I go to the mirror, lift up my top. Oh my goodness! What happened to them? I must be premenstrual.

Oops that reminds me, when is my next date for my injection?

These university protests have totally thrown me out. Staying at home instead of jumping on the train, having no fodder for my mind which is used to researching and writing. It’s like I don’t know what day or week it even is. I feel so, so irritable.

I hunt for my diary. I had the clinic date programmed into my phone but it got stolen, but I did write it down in my UCT diary. I hunt for twenty minutes before I find it on the floor behind a table leg. I whip through it.

I’ve missed my injection by nearly four weeks! How is this possible?

Oh, God. You idiot.

I am emotional, much more than usual. My breasts are weirdly tender. It can only mean one thing.

I am pregnant!

I can’t be.

Yes! What else happens when you have sex with no contraception, you idiot.

***

Tell us: Do you agree that all successful international models are one body type: tall and skinny with flat bums?