Birds rise into the air in panic, screaming or whistling. A tiny steenbok shoots out of the grass in front of us and Theo stamps hard on the brake. Then he’s working the gears, getting us moving again.

“Who’s shooting, d’you think?” Concern tightens his voice. “I’m afraid of what we’ll find.”

“I know! A shot rhino? Or Thandaza people and poachers having a go at each other? And exactly how wise are we to be driving into the middle of what sounds like a war zone?”

He slants me a quick look. “Do you want us to stop? Turn back?”

“No.” I don’t even have to think about it. “We can’t.”

A slight dip of his head. “I know.”

I’m slip-sliding around in my seat as he brakes again. This time it’s a troop of vervet monkeys, terrified by the rifle shots.

“It’s stopped,” I realise when we can move again. “The shooting.”

We’re almost at one of the places I love best on Thandaza, where the fine leaves of fever trees cast lacy shadows over the long grass. Birds love this place too, but today the trees are the only beautiful thing here, the birds frightened away by the shooting. Everything else is ugly. The mess from some sort of camp lies around – chip packets, milk cartons and plastic bread bags.

Worse to see is one of the Thandaza bakkies, with one front tyre shot out and the scar from another bullet across its bonnet. Bram is in a rage, and Mphakati is grim, but they’re unhurt. Bram’s talking to the police on his phone.

“We were too late to intercept the bastards, but we chased them here,” Bram tells us when he’s done. “They’d left a man here, plus certain things they were obviously desperate not to lose. They didn’t have time to get everything. Look – a hunting rifle. We know what that was for.”

“Three men,” Mphakati says. “Two running around gathering things while the other shot at us. I saw hand grenades being loaded into their vehicle. I don’t want to know what those were for.”

I look all around. It’s like a tight fist is pinching me inside my chest, and my throat is tight and aching. One of my special places.

*****

I’m still thinking about it that night. There’s this lapa in the fenced staff village where I like to sit after everyone else has gone to bed. It’s near the end where the junior rangers have their three-room cottages. A light is on in one, and I hear the screen door opening and someone coming out.

“Hey, ranger boy,” I say when the light from the cottage lets me see who it is.

“Hey, tracker girl,” he says, and he’s smiling.

It soothes me. Mphakati gave me a lecture about roaming about in the bush. I’ve been feeling small and angry because of what he said, refusing to listen to me. At least Theo accepts that I know the bush.

“Come to chase me away from your end of the place?” I challenge so he won’t guess I like his new name for me, even if I’m not officially a tracker, thanks to Mphakati.

“What?”

He enters the lapa and lifts one of the plastic chairs from the stack near the edge.

“Nothing really, just we get a look from Dean if he sees any domestic staff out here.”

“I thought you don’t believe he’s worth worrying about?” He places the chair at right angles to mine.

“He’s not.” I let out a breath of laughter. “I’ve heard that when he arrived here he thought he’d be getting a big house with a private garden like Bram and Mphakati have got.”

“I like my cottage.”

I watch him sit down and think about saying something about how I was enjoying the solitude. I let it go. The guy is all right.

“Is it the first time you’ve lived on your own?” I ask.

“Yes.”

“Me too.” I wave my hand in the direction of my room. “My place is more humble. A single rondavel with a walled-off toilet and bathroom.”

Then we don’t say anything for a bit.

“What now, Ngcongo?”

It’s Dean, back from wherever he has spent the evening, though I was imagining him shut in his cottage asleep for the night.

“Hi.” Theo has got that worried look I saw when Dean was taunting him about being soft.

“Getting off with the cleaning staff?” I can smell beer on Dean’s breath. “Were your standards always this low, or have you gone bossies on us?”

“Hear yourself, what you sound like!” The worried look gone, harshness in Theo’s voice as he stands up, but not as fast as I jump up, knocking my plastic chair over.

Dean makes an ugly sound that I think is meant to be a laugh and goes towards his cottage. I’m shaking. I look at Theo and see that his hands have made fists at his sides.

“Lubela? I’m sorry he’s such a–”

“He’s right, Theo,” I interrupt him. “Look at yourself, look at me. You’re a ranger, I’m cleaning staff. We belong to different worlds.”

“But we’re here. In this one world. The bush.”

I jerk a shoulder. I hear Dean’s door close. A light goes on in his cottage.

“You don’t get it.” My voice sounds thick.

“No, I don’t.” Theo shakes his head, like he’s trying to clear it of the stupidity that’s stopping him from understanding me.

“Forget it.” Rage and resentment are rolling around inside me like something bad I’ve eaten.

“Don’t let that–”

“I said forget it.”

“You’re letting Dean win, you know,” Theo says quietly.

“Not a question of letting. I’m a loser anyway, and I always will be while there are men around who think like Mphakati and won’t give me my chance.”

“So prove yourself to him, make him change his mind.”

I stare at Theo. “How?”

“I don’t know. Track the rhino poachers or something. I’ll help you if we get the chance.”

“Please! How likely is that? I need to accept the facts, that this is all I’ll ever be. I’m just a stupid girl with stupid dreams.”

I turn and walk away. A hyena laughs in the night. I feel like it’s laughing at me.

***

Tell us what you think: Is Lubela over-reacting to what Dean said?