When Kamvi returned from her cousin’s place on Sunday morning, Gogo noticed that she was very sad. When Gogo asked about the weekend Kamvi only said the braai was ‘nice’ and gave no other information. She spent the rest of Sunday in her room, with the door closed. And when Gogo called her for dinner she said she wasn’t hungry.

Kamvi spent the next two days in her room. She stopped watching TV. She stopped texting. She only came out to eat when Gogo called her.

“You are living for two now, so you must eat for your child to survive,” Gogo said one evening, when Kamvi again hadn’t wanted to come out of her room. It was Gogo’s way of saying, “Don’t be selfish. You’ve carried the baby this far, so why harm it now?”

That night Kamvi got a call from her mother. She was coming home.

“When exactly, Mama?” Kamvi cried into the phone.

“Soon my love, before the baby comes,” her mother assured her.

“But … but Mama…”

“I have to go. Give my love to Gogo and I’ll see you soon,” her mother said and cut off the call. Her mother’s smoke break must be up, Kamvi thought.

She hadn’t said half the things she had wanted to say. The baby was coming in a month’s time and Kamvi was terrified. She didn’t have anything for it. She wasn’t prepared. Her Gogo had bought her a couple of things but they were not even close to being enough.

“A baby costs a lot of money,” Cynthia had said one afternoon while Kamvi was still at school, when Kamvi wanted to buy Beyonce’s new CD. “You must save every cent.”

And she had saved every cent from then on, keeping it in a tin under her bed in the hostel. That was until the evening when the bitchy girls in her dorm had made fun of her. The next day she had gone to KFC by herself and ordered a big bucket of drumsticks. She had finished the whole thing alone in the dorm. It was comforting while she ate. But afterwards she felt worse than ever.

Her mother had said she would be home before the baby came. That was a comfort, but it seemed like forever to Kamvi.

As the weeks went by Kamvi felt more and more tired and heavy. Gogo kept assuring her that the baby was coming soon. Their conversations changed from being senseless to serious.

“How will I know when it’s time?” Kamvi had asked.

“Oh, you’ll know,” Gogo had said laughing. Gogo told her about the birth process and Kamvi began to feel safer with her around. The more she told her, the more Kamvi began to trust that when the time came, Gogo would know what to do.

But sometimes when she lay awake because every sleeping position felt uncomfortable, Kamvi would worry that something would happen to Gogo before the baby was born. She was old and frail. And what if her mother didn’t make it back in time?

“Does childbirth hurt a lot?” Kamvi asked one evening when Gogo had put her feet in warm, salty water to help with the swelling.

“Yes,” Gogo simply said. “It hurts like hell.”

Kamvi promised herself that she would never fall pregnant again. That even if she got married and had a loving husband, if childbirth hurt like Gogo’s face said it did, then she would never again be pregnant.

The day her mother was scheduled to arrive, Kamvi was super-excited. It was hard moving around but that didn’t stop her from helping her Gogo prepare the house and cook.

She bathed and put on in a flowing dress that belonged to her mother. And then she went to sit outside in the shade. Gogo came outside to join her, bringing drinks to cool them. It was a scorching day. They sat there and talked about when Gogo was a young girl; all the mischief she had got up to. They laughed and laughed, and Kamvi had to get up to pee.

As she came back out of the house from the toilet she saw a car stopping outside the front yard. Kamvi watched as her mother got out and went to the boot to get bags. Kamvi went out to meet her. They hugged for a long while, crying. It was the best ‘expected’ surprise ever for Kamvi.

“Bring that small bag on the bed,” her mother said later that evening.

“Why? What’s in it?” Kamvi asked excitedly.

“Well if you don’t go fetch it you won’t know,” her mother said smiling. “Open it.”.

It was filled with baby clothes: from vests to rompers to bibs and booties and nappies. They were all in blue and pink, colours the baby would like whether it was a girl or a boy. Gogo and Nomvu and Kamvi talked about the baby and tried to choose a name. Before they knew it, night had fallen.

All of Kamvi’s insecurities about this new life felt more manageable now, with her mother here to help her.

The next day Nomvu took Kamvi to the mall to shop. There were still bottles to be bought, and the baby’s toiletries. As they walked around Kamvi didn’t notice the stares she was getting anymore. She was in love with the pinks and the florals of the girl baby clothes. Secretly, she hoped for a baby girl to buy them for.

That night she dreamt she was back in the hostel at school. She was standing naked under the shower and the bitchy girls were pointing at her swollen belly and laughing. Suddenly the water turned icy cold, like it often did. Kamvi woke up with a start. Her bed was wet. Her waters had broken.

She threw the blankets off her as she screamed for her mother. Nomvu and Gogo came running.

“The baby!” she said panicking. “The baby is here.”

They had already packed a hospital bag for Kamvi with things she and the baby would need. Her mother called Kamvi’s uncle, who lived some streets down. Uncle came with his eyes still bleary with sleep and his shirt unbuttoned. If Kamvi wasn’t in so much pain she would’ve laughed.

They got to the Midwife Obstetric Unit. Kamvi kept thinking about Yanda, and that he should be there. Hadn’t he said that he loved her? Then she thought of the look on his face when he had felt the baby kick, and she knew he wouldn’t be coming back.

When the nurse came to tell them that only one person could stay with Kamvi through the birth, her Gogo said she would go and wait at home with Kamvi’s uncle. But that her mom must phone her as soon as the baby came. She squeezed Kamvi’s hand before she left. Kamvi was surprised by the tremendous strength she found in the hand of the little woman. She knew she would be fine as she went with her mother into the birthing room.

Kamvi’s baby was born at 2:45 a.m.

Litha – a baby girl.

***

Tell us what you think: How do you think Kamvi felt about giving birth? Why is it important to have someone you trust with you?