I open my eyes. The memories are flooding back. How when we got back to school after the police station the principal gave us a second chance. How Selby avoided me from then on.

How did I manage to forget all this? I stole stuff, and almost ended up in jail – just because I wanted to impress Selby! In fact, I wanted all of them to stop telling me that I’m weak. And then I buried these memories deep in my mind, and I have only found them again now.

But I’m never going to make that mistake again.

Dr McNamara finally stops writing on her notepad and speaks. “I’m really happy about the progress we made here today. Hopefully these memories will help you make more sense of the choices you are making now.”

“Thanks a lot, Doc. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for all your insightful work,” I tell her.

“How do all the memories make you feel, though?”

“All I know, Doc, is that I’m disappointed in myself. I don’t think I listened to my brother’s advice. I still have friends who get me into trouble, Doc!”

“Why do you say that?”

“I can’t really talk to anyone about it. All I can say is that if I wanted to kill someone, they’d help me instead of stopping me.”

Doctor McNamara looks surprised. “I thought we had an agreement that you’d always tell me everything, Mzi? I told you that you can even call me at midnight if you need to talk.”

“I’m sorry Doc, but not right now. I just want to go home and try to make more sense of all this.”

She nods, but I can see that she wants to say more. I’m glad she doesn’t. I just want to go and see my Noluvuyo now. She hasn’t answered any of my calls since the fight. That, I decide, I can talk to the Doc about.

“May I be honest Doc?” I ask, hesitantly.

“What’s on your mind?”

“I think my relationship with Noluvuyo is in danger. I’ve called and sent her some texts, but she hasn’t responded.”

“As I have said, I’m not sure that she is good for you, you know, after all you have said about her,” the Doctor says.

“Oh come on Doc. That is unfair! She could’ve dated any guy, but she chose me. I’m lucky!”

“From all the things you’ve told me about her, I can see that she’s going to disappoint you. She’s already persuaded you to miss appointments with me. Does that show she really has your best interests at heart?”

“Doc, I think it’s best if we talk about this next time. My mind is drained right now.”

“You can’t keep running away from the truth, Mzi,” she says, as we both stand up and walk towards the door.

“See you next time, Doc.”

The trip down to the ground level of her building feels quick. But it’s enough for me to think back to my second date with Noluvuyo.

I remember how she had discarded her usual skinny jeans and All Stars for that one special night. The room stood still as she walked in. Light reflected off her dark-green, silk dress and she sparkled. I don’t think a girl would make such an effort if she doesn’t like a guy. I know she likes me.

I need to see her now. I take out my phone. No missed call from her, I see. Just before I dial her number, the phone vibrates. It’s Bandile.

Remembering what happened in Grade 10 has taught me one important thing today: bad friends should get the hell out of my life. I’m here to get distinctions and finish my degree. I reject his call. I’ll deal with him later.

I dial Noluvuyo’s number. The phone is ringing. She picks up.

“Hello?”

“Hey babe, where you at?”

“Student Centre.”

“OK, I’m on my way.”

I immediately slide the phone into my pocket and make my way there. But I hear a familiar voice behind me.

“Ek sê Mzura!” It’s Bandile. “En nou, why you not answering your phone?” he demands. He’s clearly not used to me not answering his calls.

I remember what I told the Doc about them. These guys wouldn’t stop me even if I wanted to kill someone’s mother. Instead, they’d encourage me. I want to tell him now to leave me alone, but I can’t. Instead, I say: “I was in a meeting mf’ethu.” I’m just not brave enough to chase him away right now. I don’t know how to end this friendship.

“But I have a problem Mzi. I need you. See, there’s a guy who’s showing too much interest in my little sister. I want us to teach him a lesson,” he says.

For the first time since I’ve been friends with this guy, I see just how crazy he is about blood. Why the hell does he want to spill more blood?

“Ey mf’ethu, that’s not a good idea. We’ve just survived that campus security shit. Let’s not start something new,” I say, hoping not to piss him off.

“My outie, moe’nie kak praat’ie!” he says, clearly not accepting my refusal. “You were getting beat up by that Msindisi kid and we saved your ass. And don’t forget that I’m the one who gave you Noluvuyo. I can tell her to dump you.”

I simply nod, but my mind is racing. I want to tell him that he’s talking shit and that all he did was introduce me to her. He doesn’t own her. But I hold back and say nothing.

“But we’ll talk later, my laaitie,” he says, as we shake hands and he leaves.

I make my way up the stairs that lead into the Student Centre. There she is. If I had to sum her up in one line I’d probably say she’s a short, gorgeous and feisty party-animal with curves in all the right places.

“Hello, sthandwa sam.”

“Hi” she says, looking much focussed on sending what seems to be an important text message.

“Listen, babe, I’m really sorry about Friday. I didn’t mean to act like that. And for that whole thing to happen, I mean it was just…”

“Cool,” she simply says. But I want more. I want her to scream; slap me; kick me in the nuts; or something. But maybe she’s used to guys fighting over her. I take a deep breath. I want us to get to the next level of trust. I want her to hear about my past.

“Talk to me babe, please. I’ve got something important I want to tell you.”

“Talk, then.”

“Dr McNamara hypnotised me today. She made me remember all the stuff that went down in high school. I remembered how my life almost got messed up, because of making bad decisions. Running with the wrong crowd…”

“Good for you.” She barely looks up.

“I’m serious, babes. If my principal and the police had not given me a second chance, I would’ve failed Grade 10. I wouldn’t have been here with you right now.”

“Sure.”

“Babe, why is this SMS you’re sending taking so long? I’m trying to tell you something and I feel like you’re not listening!”

“Haibo, does that mean if I’m not looking at you then I’m not paying attention?”

“No, you’re not!” I say, as I grab the phone from her hand.

Charmer boy: Hey grl, who u wit & wht u doin?

Noli-Noli: Lol… Very curious nhe.

I’m wit Mzi and he’s talkin too much, as usual!!!

His talkin is usually cute, but now…eish!

Charmer boy: Oh tht guy. U need a real

man, not Bandile’s puppy dog.

Noli-Noli: Lol… No man.

I can’t believe what I’m seeing! I’m opening my heart to her, but this BBM crap is what she prefers instead. I can’t believe she’d do this to me on such an important day!

***

Tell us what you think: Do Mzi and Nolovuyo have a good relationship? Is it OK to BBM while talking face-to-face with someone?