“That was the most enlightening English class I have ever had,” Baka announces at lunch.

We’re all sitting on the grass: me, Clinton, Renée, Robyn, Nomhle, Enrico and Baka, as we do every lunch. But I don’t reply to Baka, knowing my mouth will get me into trouble, as it always does. Clinton – my sort of boyfriend, according to Renée – has explained to me that Baka is just teasing me because we are friends. It is nice to have friends, but sometimes his teasing gets to be too much. Which is why when my friend Baka tells the group all about our English class, I focus on my lunch. Today’s meal is leftover chicken and cabbage curry, a low GI meal that my father, who was recently diagnosed with diabetes type II, will actually eat without complaining.

“Sounds like you were an embarrassment,” Clinton says to Baka.

Robyn and Nomhle nod as Baka says, “Don’t be like that. I enjoy where Wiki’s brain goes. I’ve just never thought about learning code.”

“So what language did you write your paper on?” Renée says.

“Chinese,” Baka says. “If the Chinese are going to take over Africa, then we need to learn to speak their language.”

“Which one?” I ask.

“Good question,” Nomhle says, “because I don’t think the Chinese have one language.”

“What?” Baka says.

Enrico laughs. “That’s like suggesting people should learn ‘African’. You should have written something like ‘Mandarin’, right, Wiki?”

Baka looks at me. “Wiki, are these fools right?”

I nod. “Mandarin is one of the most popular of the eight primary languages in China, with almost 1,2 billion speakers.”

“Eight’s not bad,” Robyn says. “South Africa has 11 and with Sign Language being counted as a home language, we’re on our way to 12.”

“True,” I say, forking up some chicken. “But it is complicated, because China has between two to three hundred different dialects, which includes Mandarin.” I pop in the bite, pleased that the meal is still tasty when eaten cold. My father has been known to tell people I’m a terrible cook.

“Wait,” Baka says, rubbing his temples. “What’s the difference between a language and a dialect?”

I swallow my food before replying. “Linguists say that the difference between a language and a dialect is that two different language speakers cannot understand each other, where two different dialect speakers can.”

“Nope,” Renée says. “You’re going to have to do better than that. If I’m confused, then Baka is totally lost.”

“Hey!” he exclaims.

But Clinton is chuckling. “You saying she’s wrong?”

Baka shrugs. “I’m just saying it’s rude.”

Robyn giggles. “Ooooh, now Baka is an expert on who is being rude.”

“Fine,” Baka says. “I’m lost. Explain it to me again.”

I take a deep breath, “Okay, say you were speaking isiXhosa to somebody who only speaks Mandarin, then that is two languages and you wouldn’t be able to understand the other person and they wouldn’t be able to understand you.”

“Right, I get that,” he says.

“Okay,” I smile. “But if the Mandarin speaker is using the Beijing dialect and is speaking to a Mandarin speaker using another dialect, then they should be able to understand each other, even if they are not speaking the same.”

“So is it like an Afrikaans speaker talking to a Dutch speaker?” Nomhle asks.

I shrug, “Kind of, but not exactly. Maybe more like how American English is different to British which is different to South African, and all of it is different to Middle English, or even Shakespearian English.”

Baka grabs his head. “Do not start going off on Shakespeare. I know you and Clinton have a Romeo and Juliet thing going on, but I don’t want to hear it.”

***

Tell us: What languages does your school teach? Do you think those are enough, or should there be more options?