After the narrow escape that night I decided to stop creeping out to visit Thobekile. The days went by, and the weeks passed without having the time to sit with him alone. I felt sick from missing him but I had no way to see him. I was scared of getting caught.

I never knew that it could be so painful to miss someone you loved and there was nothing I could do to feel better. It was hurting me to see him sitting at his desk in the corner of the classroom. I knew he missed me too. I felt like boldly going to him and kissing him. I wished everybody could know that we were in love.

Then one break I felt so nauseous that I had to run to the bathroom to throw up.

“Nkonzi?” I was grateful that she didn’t refer to me as Church Girl. “Are you dying, love?” It was Pamela.

That was the first time I felt Pamela was genuinely friendly to me. She came and hugged me and rubbed my back.

“Aish,” I sighed.

“What is it Nonkonzo, girlfriend?”

“I didn’t have my period and now I am sick.” I tried to calm myself down but failed – because I knew what was wrong with me.

“Are you saying that you are … pregnant?” Pamela said it softly. “Have you had sex with Thobekile?”

I nodded.

“How many times?”

“More than two times.”

“I am sure you used protection.”

I shook my head.

“You mustn’t worry. This doesn’t mean for sure that you are pregnant.”

“Pam, I know when something is wrong with my body. Look, my body is changing, and I can feel that there is something inside.”

“I don’t think you are pregnant.”

“But what if I am pregnant?” The worry I felt was uncontrollable. “Do you know what my mother would do? And my father – he would bury me alive. They could lose their position at the church. Please help me Pam. I am asking you to help me.”

“How, love? I have no way of helping you other than saying that you should tell your parents.”

“Have you heard of any place that does abortions?”

I made a great mistake by saying that. Pamela started talking as a parent would; advising me how bad that was. “What would you do if you abort and you are killing a future president, or the saviour of poor people or a second Jesus?”

“My parents will banish me from the family if I have this child.”

“OK, Nonkonzo. But you should tell Thobekile before going ahead and aborting.”

“I can’t. Thobekile is being tested by scholarship people from England. If I tell him about this he will lose focus and his parents will take him out of school. Maybe he might end up working on the mines. I don’t know why this bad luck is happening to me. I slept with Thobekile only a few times. Is God punishing me?”

“Ok, fine, I will find out about getting a termination and make the plan. But remember – you can change your mind at any time and keep the baby.”

The next day Pamela brought me a paper advert. On it was a list of miracles that ‘Doctor Mamazian’ did. I was not interested in the miracles. I wanted to solve the problem that was growing inside me. According to the advert, Doctor Mamazian could do abortions too. She was my answer, my first and last hope. The price of the consultation was not high and I had money.

“Are you sure that you do not want to find a hospital that will do this?” Pamela asked. “It is legal you know.”

“There is too much risk of being seen there by someone from the church. I will go to this doctor on Monday and see if she has medicine that will abort the baby,” I told her. “Are you going to come with me? Please come with me!” I begged.

“I can’t take you there, Nonkonzo. I have sports practice and then choir. But promise me you won’t go alone. Wait a few more days before you decide.”

***

Tell us what you think: Do you think Doctor Mamazian a proper, trained medical doctor? What will happen at Doctor Mamazian’s?