I guess this is it: my mom doesn’t give a toss about me. And there’s absolutely fuck all I can do about it. Not being able to do anything about it is the saddest part of it all! You know, I’ve always frustratingly knocked my head against a brick wall just so she can notice me too. It wasn’t really so for Sim.

He’s always been mom’s, and to some extent, dad’s, favourite; the twat got everything he desired. His jokes were funnier. He said fascinating stuff that, according t mom, just proved that he’d grow up to be intelligent. And me, on the other side, everything I said was either nonsensical or I was making a nuisance of myself.

Sometimes parents can create unnecessary bad blood among their children. They will always do favours for those their favour most. Luckily that isn’t the case between Sim and I. I love him dearly – even with his undeserved privileges. Well, it’s not by choice. I mean why frustrate yourself by competing with someone who beats you without even trying to be competitive.

The more I tried to get into mom’s good books the more she adored Sim. See, I had to give up. I mean, why waste your time fighting a lost fight? If mom treats me like the black sheep of the Zwane’s, why must I fight to convince her otherwise? Surely, she has her reason’s, right?

I can’t live my whole life trying to fit in with her high expectation. Isn’t it clear that I will never really fit in? I mean mom still treats me like an outcast. In her eyes I will forever be the bad daughter who never gets anything right. She hates me, yes, that’s what I think. If not, why would she be so hell bent in making my life a living hell? I thought mothers and daughters were supposed to be inseparable, baking together, laughing, and sharing secrets…

Well, that only happens in the movies bcoz my mom would rather do all those things with a stranger. I’ve never, not even in my worst nightmare, thought that mom would turn her back against me, at least not for a stranger. I mean with Sim it was understandable.

Maybe that’s why I’m finding it so hard to believe that she didn’t even try to beg me to stay when I packed my clothes. I can’t believe that she hasn’t phoned to ask where I am at, who I am crashing with… this just goes to prove my point: she doesn’t give a toss about me. I mean absolute fuck all to her.

I guess this is what the Bible was talking about when it said: “mother will turn against daughter”. I’m tired of supporting people who never stand by me. She is my mother yet she never supports me. She never stands by me, even at times when all I need is her reassurance and acknowledgement.

Tee says I shouldn’t let it get to me or even change my attitude towards my mother. Like hell it won’t. Especially after the treatment I got. For all I care, mom can go to hell! I’m done caring for people who always show me that they don’t care about me. I mean I’ve fought for this woman. I’ve supported this woman. I’ve allowed myself to be pulled in to her battles against my will. All for what… nothing!

ZZ xxx

Dish it: Have you ever moved out of your parent’s house because of a fight you had with your parents?

Share how it happened on Facebook with me.