It seems that I cannot keep my nose out of trouble. I just have a way of attracting trouble nowadays, it’s not even funny.
“Why are you so irresponsible, you just can’t get a single thing right…” that was my father’s voice as soon as he walked inside the house. If I wasn’t so bloody scared for Sim, I would’ve laughed. Yea, I would’ve laughed, but it’s the thought of Sim that kept me from laughing.
I mean him telling me about ‘getting things right’ is ironic (it’s like devil calling you evil); he couldn’t get his marriage right. It’s his fault that Sim is rebelling and acting like the man of the house. It’s because of the void that he left when he packed his things and left that Sim is busy looking for things to fill that emptiness.
Where does he get the right to tell me about irresponsibility, recklessness and the whole load of awful things that he said to me? Why should I be the one who carries the blame for something that is not of my doing, I didn’t ask Sim to leave with his friends for a whole three days?
For the first time in years I cried. One can be strong only until a certain point, before they crack. I have been silent too long. For far too long I have been playing the part of the sweet daughter, and never questioned anything. That’s what the African culture dictates of us children: do not question your elders they know better. To hell with that.
I thought mom would side with me. Acknowledge my support. But no, she has a weakness for her soon-to-be-ex-husband. Always siding with him. “How can you be so irresponsible? And yet you tell me that I should treat you like an adult… you are nothing but a selfish spoilt-brat!” if she could, she would’ve strangled the life out of me.
You should’ve seen how they were ganging up on me.
It was amidst this confusion that their love child entered, you should’ve seen how mom jumped up from where she was sitting to hug him. “Where have you been? You scared us, where were you?” her voice had suddenly changed, she changed into the sweet loving mother mode. Sim causes trouble; I have to take the trouble by virtue of being old. That’s unfair.
“I was with my friend at his aunt in Gugulethu,” that’s all he had to say. And he was pampered with love, by his parents. I slipped out of that room, and left them still looking at him for any wounds that he might have sustained, I doubt they even heard me bang the door of my bedroom. I doubt they even care; clearly they hate me.
I hate this world. I hate my life. And I hate this family and all its troubles.
Why am I even complaining? It’s life, isn’t it? Mxm, my life sucks.
ZZ xxx
Dish it: Have you ever felt like it was you against the world?