I just spoke to dad and he seemed off. We talked about nothing important and it felt cold. Maybe he’s mad at me for sneaking out. But I asked him and he said it’s not that. He is disappointed though, says I should’ve told mom, that she would’ve understood and let me go. I don’t buy it.

I asked him if he’s not lonely in that big house all by himself and I swear he ducked the question. He went off talking about me and I know when I’m being side tracked. I don’t know what to think. Mom and dad don’t want to share and I have no allies left in P.E to check him out for me. I’m so confused.

Dad and I have always talked, about everything. Now he’s just not dad anymore. It’s like he spends time trying to get me to ask less questions each time. We’ve lost our connection, something’s off. He says I’ll be getting my stuff at the end of the week.


Not that I’m complaining but I know I’m being softened up. This feels just like when they bought the car for me. They said it was an incentive so I could pass my Matric with flying colours. I only found out later that they wanted me to get a bursary. Why, again I ask?

The big clincher was when mom said no to Sim the other day. He asked for a telescope for his research and mom said no. I don’t just mean, “No honey, you’re too young for a telescope. Give it 2 more years.” This no was a no no; like…

“Why don’t you go dissect some frogs and use that stethoscope you got for your birthday 3 years ago? Really now Simphiwe, what’s the point of us buying you things if you don’t use them?”

See, that right there is a hell no!!! Sim was more shocked than I was… He’s never been denied anything by mom and she never calls him by his full name, she always calls him Nana. She’s been awfully nice to me lately, even offered that we chat about my new life over a glass of wine. And she wasn’t stingy to share, I told her about Sebastian and she didn’t lecture me.

She just told me to tell her next time to avoid this conflict. Dad put her up to this. Do you know that unnerving feeling you get when you’re about to get bad news? Well, I’ve been getting it, a lot lately. It’s like that quiet before a storm. I’m like a poodle lying on my mom’s lap and her stroking my belly, on to put me to sleep so I can be put to sleep.

Now I’m no Nancy Drew or anything, I mean I didn’t even like Columbus much, but I’ll tell you this…I don’t this one bit.

ZZ xxx