“…I wish you well in all you hope to achieve in life. I’m sorry that things didn’t work out as we had hoped. I’ll always love you.”

Seeing those you love leave you must be the saddest thing in this world. Sebastian sent me this text today. I had just finished writing the politics test at 12:00 and was on my way to the Computer Lab to finish my assignment, which is due on Friday, when the message got in. I was in a good mood; both the tests I wrote today had left me believing that I still had it in me to pass.

I wrote the first test – Oral History – in the morning. And I’m pretty sure that I’ve passed it. It was very easy – thanks to Dr Damn-it and the test scope he gave us. Dr Damn-it might not be the best lecturer and everything – but at least he gives a clear scope, he tells you exactly what to expect in the test and doesn’t try to trick students by surprising them on the test paper. Mr Williams, the Political Ideology lecturer, is very bad at giving out scope.

He just told us to study the whole chapter on Machiavelli’s two books – The Prince and Discourse – and only asked one question out of 50 marks about Machiavelli’s political ideas. It wasn’t that bad too. At least, I don’t think I did as bad as I had on my first test. I just feel as if an hour is not enough to construct a convincing essay – but Mr Williams say it helps us with thinking on our toes and it also teaches us to include only the necessary information. I guess, since he’s a professor, he knows best. I don’t think my marks will be as good as I hope but they won’t be bad either…

So, when Sebastian’s message got in, I was kinda feeling optimistic about everything. My life seemed to be as I want it to be… but then he had to remind me of a reality that I was trying so hard to forget. Of course, I knew he was leaving today. How could have I not known? I mean, the phone call of the other day is the only thing I’ve been thinking about this past few days. And it fills me with so much regret. I shouldn’t have dropped his phone call! I should’ve agreed to meet him! I shouldn’t have been so irrational!

Tee says I should stop being so hard on myself.

“If he really wanted to see you, he’d have done so… I mean, he knows where you live, nothing stopped him from coming here!” sometimes Tee’s words are like a knife that cuts deep into your heart, but I guess a true friend is the one who slaps you with the truth when you really need to hear it. I really don’t need this emotional merry-go-round now. My assignment is due on Friday and I still have a lot of work to do on it. I should be focusing on my studies and not be so angry that my boyfriend of the past three years is in the plane and I hardly said “good bye” to him.

I am sad, and all I feel like doing now is to take a warm bath and cry myself to sleep. I feel like screaming so hard that my voice would travel across the seas, through all the mountains and kilometres that stand between us… I just wish I could tell him how much he meant to me and how sorry I am, too, that things had to end like this…not through Whatsapp or a lousy SMS text. I want to look into his blue eyes and tell him, tell him how I feel, tell him that I’m really sad. And, most importantly, I want him to kiss the life out of him, to kiss me till I feel breathless.

“Sebastian, I want to drown in your love!”

ZZ xxx