Friday, 12 June, 18:00
Oh my word, I can’t deal with this…! I mean, I’m trying to focus…I’m trying to study…I keep reminding myself that I’m writing my last exam of the semester soon but what he – Robbie – told me keeps coming back!
Do you ever wish that you could turn the hands of time back? To undo something that has already happened? That’s how I feel about agreeing to meet up with Robbie!
See, I’m not a fool. I knew that his calling me would complicate my life. Mum once told me that women are telepathic by nature, I guess that true hey! We can sense when things are not OK – some call it: intuition. I mean, fine, I’ve heard all the rumours about him. I’ve heard about how he had started keeping bad company and was doing drugs. I had heard about how he had changed for the worst, but still I disregarded all that and went to see him.
Now, I wish I hadn’t. Really! If I hadn’t I wouldn’t have to deal with what he told me. I mean, how am I supposed to focus on exams when a friend/someone-I-know/Robbie/Ex-boyfriend (who or what is he to me? I can’t even tell anymore) tells me that he is in trouble with drug dealers and that his life is in danger? I’ve been trying to concentrate for the past two hours but my mind keeps drifting away. I ask myself questions I can’t answer.
He says all he needed was to offload – someone who would listen to him with judging him – and, somehow, I was the one person he could trust with the truth. I asked him some questions about how he got himself in the mess and why he is in Cape Town, how long he was planning to stay, who he is staying with. Needless to say, most o f the questions went unanswered or some vague, general answer was given.
“You shouldn’t worry yourself about me…I’m a big boy,” that’s what he said when I asked if there was anything I could help with, “All I needed was someone to listen…to offload my burdens, you know?”
It’s as if he offloaded his burdens and now I’m the one carrying them coz I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want to get involved, but I’d love to help wherever I can. It’s a paradox, I know: “don’t want to get involved, but want to help”. My mind knows very well that not getting involved is the best thing, for me and for everyone. I mean, I’m already doing things behind my boyfriend’s back – which is something I don’t really like!
But my heart –my STUPID heart! – wants to help him…
ZZ xxx
Dish it: do you think I should get involved?