I hate being a student! I really do. I know you might probably think I’m crazy or unappreciative of the rare chances that life has granted me. I wouldn’t be surprised though – my mom thinks so too! Although she insists that she does, I don’t think she really understands where I’m coming from.

If she did she wouldn’t be saying ignorant things about how ungrateful I am.

“Do you know how lucky you are?”

“Lucky???” I was really lost. Or, maybe, I wasn’t. I just didn’t see how luck had to do with me being tired of being a student.

“Do you know how many young people would give everything they have to be where you are?” She was yelling so loud that everyone started looking at me as if my phone was on loud speaker. I don’t like it when she yells at me, so I did what I usually do. I hung up before I could say something I’d actually regret.

Ignorant, you see? One, it wasn’t pure luck that got me to college. I worked really, really hard to get a scholarship so I can further my studies. It was not by mere chance or some fluke. Two, why is she making it my fault that the government of South Africa is failing its youth?

I don’t know why mom’s like this. She’s always tries to make my achievement seem insignificant and undeserved.

Tee and Linda say it’s because she loves me and wants what’s best for me. I’m not surprised though. They also think that I’m crazy for wanting to quit.

“It’s the last few months until you get your degree, you can’t be entertaining such negative thoughts now,” although it was Tee who said this, it still sounded like something my mom would say.

The greatest lie ever told to me was that my college years would be the best years of my life. I still remember when I was in grade 12, Ms Jones, my English teacher, told me that. She said that being a student will be the best years of my life and that I should make sure that I enjoy them to the fullest. How I wish that was true!

There’s really nothing to be enjoyed here. “If you’re a student, you cease to live. Life as you know it changes drastically.” That’s what Ms Jones should have told me. If she had told me that I think I’d have been more prepared.

I have four tests next week, and three are on the same day. I don’t know how they really expect us to pass if they’re making our life so bloody difficult. But I guess keeping us here for as long as possible is what they really want.

I mean, a lecturer can’t lecture if there are no students to teach. And if there are no students, s/he won’t get paid, right? I’m not saying lecturers make students fail on purpose, but I once read this article about a South African student who failed one module so many times I even lost count. But when he applied to have his test paper marked externally (by another university) when the results came back he had passed.

But, I guess, that’s beside the point, right? I’m just making excuses for my laziness and ungratefulness and just being my unappreciative self.

I guess no one will understand what I’m going through. Somehow this makes me think of Dr Damn-it, I don’t know why though. Maybe when he was young he wanted to be a comedian but people misunderstood him so he ended up as a comedian-lecturer. I can’t help but feel sad, for both of us. I guess it’s only the two of us who would understand how it feels like to be misunderstood; to be forced to do something you don’t like.

It’s like a little hell. I’m burnt out. My candle cannot burn any longer. I’m just tired.

Mom’s been calling me. I won’t talk to her!

ZZ xxx

Dish it: do you ever feel like no one in this world sees things as you do and understands them as you?

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