Vibes Over Lives: The Hypocrisy of Gender-Based Violence in South Africa

“When you live in a country where a man is able to unalive his girlfriend, post a picture of her body and then take a video right after he did it, and it’s still online 4 hours later, right after 16 days of activism, and a Chris Brown sold out concert… no words are needed, the actions speak for us all!” – Women for Change.

For everyone who justified GBV and violence in my previous blog, this is for you.

It’s all nice, fun and games to see how there’s been all this hype around how Chris Brown, Mr abuser, set a new milestone by performing for a record-breaking crowd of over 92,000 fans at the FNB Stadium in Johannesburg on December 14 and 15, leaving a lasting impression. But just like clockwork in South Africa, our land, amongst all of this hype, there’s been a new case – Ntobeko Cele, a 25-year-old lady in KwaZulu-Natal, was fatally stabbed by her former partner on Tuesday, the 17th of December.

In case you have not seen already, it was a murder in Umzinto’s Malangeni, where Cele’s body was discovered in the centre of the gravel road. A shattered knife with blood, and stab wounds was discovered around and on her body. According to news reports, the suspect picked up his former girlfriend from her house and killed her. Sbusiso Lawrence, a primary school teacher who admitted to killing Cele in a social media video that went viral, was discovered hanging from a tree on Wednesday, the 18th of December at Malangeni in Umzinto, not far from the scene of the crime, said KZN police spokesperson Col. Robert Netshiunda.

It is believed that the two got into a domestic dispute that turned into a murder. Blood on the front passenger seat of the suspect’s car, which was discovered abandoned down the road from the Cele’s body, indicated that the suspect killed the woman inside.

…See, does it make sense for South Africans to flock to a Chris Brown concert when women are found dead everyday. Where do your moralities lie honestly?

If you intentionally spent money this past weekend to support an abuser or defended why he should perform here, you cannot be outraged and sickened by a man killing a lady.

A very “distraught” Lawrence describes how he killed Cele in a Facebook status video saying, “You’re going to say I am cruel but I have done my best to make sure I make this woman happy. I lost everything and lots of money in the process. She gave birth to a child which is not mine. I tolerated her and took care of the child”. He said that Cele’s receipt of funds from the Road Accident Fund caused them to part ways. After that, apparently she grew weary of him and ended their relationship – so what?

Picture this – after slitting her throat in cold blood, he took to social media to defend himself and said he was a good man. What? What kind of absolute disrespect for dignity and basic decency is this? And not only did he shamelessly film himself delivering this horrifying confession, Lawrence shared a photo of the murdered victim online – a young woman lying lifeless, yho.

An X user said, “South Africa, the only country where you can kill a woman, post it, have men justify your actions and then take the easy way out by killing yourself. Pathetic system, pathetic laws, pathetic society” – absolutely!

This horrifying event serves as a sobering reminder of the persistent problem of gender-based violence in South African culture.

But equally serves as a reminder that South Africans don’t care, at all. Just vibes.

I said what I said, please.

Can a society like South Africa that normalizes violence and excuses perpetrators ever truly progress?

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24 Responses

Violence against women and children is a pandemic that has plagued our societies for far too long. It's a scourge that destroys lives, shatters families, and undermines the very fabric of our communities.

Mduduzi Mangapu · 3 weeks ago

Not ever, I hold myself, my society and my dear hypocritical country for even weighing the sides and the voice of the victim and the perpetrator. It's so crazy how we actually turn a blind eye on the fact that the perpetrator admitted that he killed the victim, rather we focus on his justification. Justification! Does it even matter?

Minenhle Ngwabe · 3 weeks ago

Yes. I touched by Sibusiso Lawrence but i dont support him by killing his girlfriend. Their relationship was abusive.

Thapelo Matemane · 4 weeks ago

As a man we should never put ourselves in shoes of men that committed these crimes against women. I think that's were we sound like we are justifying their actions. Just because we can relate to some reason why they snap and did it.. So I am saying we are not them , so never see yourself in them ... They've committed a crime period , regardless of the reason, nothing matters when you take a life ...

Bradley Moleta · 4 weeks ago

Honest Truth

precious Kunene · 4 weeks ago

This topic shutters me honestly

Hlengiwe Mhlongo · a month ago

I tried to post a comment but for some reason it didn't go through. In summary, as I've previously addressed fellow commenters. I was clear that the male species is OVERWHELMINGLY the majority of perpetrators of violent crimes. Women do harm, yes, but that violence is nowhere near what males do. It's hypocritical to pretend it is.

Londiwe Manzi · a month ago

So much for living in a country with "free speech"

Goodness, gracious *sigh*. I'm through with people pretending that women perpetrate as much violence as men. YES, women do kill, rape and abuse too, and as a society we should NOT allow that to happen, but stop pretending that the harm women do is anywhere near what men have done and continue to do, whilst refusing to hold men accountable for their actions. I'm talking about the apologists who ask "what did SHE do?" "What was SHE wearing?" And so on to excuse men's violence. Those same people don't ask what HE did or said when men are victimised because they understand that nothing warrants taking the life of another person or abusing them. How are men the least affected gender by GBV but get the most sympathy? Even more than child victims?

The comments below mine, come of as offensive. Very Offensive. "Men are evil, men are dogs." type of comments. I don't think that should be OK. (yes, men/males are perpetrators) 1° Not all men/males do that. (therefore insults like this should not be 'normal') 2° If a male/men said "woman are evil, women are dogs" type of comments (I bet there be action. 'it's harassment etc) I plead with all the females to not offend. 3° Yes, the lwarence, Cele issue is very disheartening. Violence should not be tolerated any how. But Chris Brown is a little irrelevant to this (people love the music, yes.. Of a Past abuser. Riri forgave him, and Chris never killed anyone. 4° Reading or knowing about the lwarence Cele issue is already traumatic. 5° looking at the view of @sthembiso, I bet he would not defend a perpetrator.. Right? Maybe he's trying to say even though you are a male or female, let's be neutral. Let's not turn a blind eye even women abuse their children and husbands, and thats not a lie. (I stand to be corrected) to all genders (If there are red flags, run away, go to the police) to avoid Gender Based violence and not "Women based violence"? Let's be neutral I beg. @Author, informative blog👍. (A fair neutral comment not defending perpetrators)

Lebogang Shokane · a month ago

Indeed it is a hard topic. GBV will always be a hard topic, especially for South Africans. Although yes, Chris brown has a disruptive past, I think he has done a lot to show regret. (endorsing Naledi Aphiwe.. etc) remember Naledi was just an ordinary school girl and her whole life changed when Chris noticed her. (no one said GBV) Chris wants to perform for himself (the GBV card is pulled out and everyone has chapters in their life that they would not want to read out loud. (I'm glad his concert was peaceful and morally great according to social media.. He even generated 900m for SA and created 6000 temporary jobs, the transport industry including (gautrain) also gained. Just a positive side of the Chris brown concert to see. (please don't let the hate and mistakes of the past, blind us to see the positive side.)

@Londiwe Manzi. Ngiyabonga. Which means your father too he is the heinous beast who deserve to dwell with other wild beast 🤔🤔 You mean women don't kill their own children? How saints they are!!! Sis wam all I'm trying to say is : GBV ntoni ntoni iyasizakala Uma umuntu wesilisa enze okubi kodwa kugcweba iziziba Uma kuwumuntu wesifazane owenze into embi. Le GBV ikhetha uhlangothi ngaso sonke isikhathi ikakhulu ivuna abesifazane. Àwusho Londeka, kuyenzeka ubaba wa kho nom umalume wakho nom umkhulu, avuke inja ebomvu, ashaye kwasani lapho Kini njalo nje ? Kusho ukuthi Abantu besilisa bonk abekho right kahle kahle. Ukuphila kwabo nje kuwudlame 🤔 kwaze kwanzima okwethu Njengabantu besilisa😤 I usually hear lot of young women saying they prefer their fathers than their mothers. Let's Stop women and children ABUSE against men

Sthembiso Msezane · a month ago

@Sthembiso Msezane. Dude educate yourself. Google is free. Look at the statistics and you'll see for yourself that men are overwhelming the majority of perpetrators of violence worldwide. Let's use male logic for a moment and say violence is justified if the woman does something that is deserving of such retaliation, e.g. cheating. How do you explain men killing children, and other men? How do explain men raping women, children and even f*** animals? Human trafficking? Who provokes them do such. I think it's because they're heinous beasts who should be living with other wild animals. There are male victims as well, fine, but men are too busy hosting podcasts to talk about women's bodycounts, and shame single mothers (they create) instead of bringing awareness to men's mental health, or the abuse men face. Men will fight tooth and nail to defend men as well, but never hold them accountable for their actions.

I wonder when and how this battle between Men and women will END! and the one who cause this fight, is stand there in distance laughing alone seeing contenders fighting fiercely. Democracy is questionable these is all its mess!

Women will fiercely defend their fellow women, even to the point of death. Sadly, men's struggles and experiences are often disregarded and not given the same level of attention. I have personally witnessed numerous cases where women have committed heinous acts against men, such as hiring a hitman to kill their husband for insurance money or for a new lover. In these situations, the hitman often receives a harsher punishment than the orchestrator of the murder. Women will come up with various excuses to justify their actions, claiming that they were no longer happy or that there must have been a reason for their actions. Just three years ago, a man from Johannesburg exposed his fiancee who had lied to him about going on a girls' vacation in Durban. However, he later discovered pictures of her on a couple's trip with another man. Despite this betrayal, many women on social media defended the fiancee and made excuses for her behavior. They even went as far as saying that he was weak for crying over a woman or that he had bought her a cheap engagement ring. However, if the roles were reversed and it was the husband who had gone on vacation with another woman, he would have been publicly shamed on social media. We tend to make excuses for women while disregarding men's feelings and emotions. This mentality unfortunately leads to more women falling victim to violence at the hands of men. Society has taught women that they can cheat on men, use them for money and resources, emotionally abuse them, and then discard them for another man without consequence. This toxic mindset is supported by society and perpetuates harmful gender stereotypes.

Writing about GBV is fixing the country?

Their relationship was toxic even both families knew about it but they thought that Sbusiso would changed I did listened both stories around May this year Sbusiso tried to kill Nontobeko he hit her by a car . These issues of killing women still going further I saw another video of a guy with his girlfriend he was busy saying that he's going to kill u Bongi because she went to location to cheat on him, so if we still put on blame to the writer because she wrote about GBV we are not fixing the country. According to me I don't see any problem about this article.

Evah Ngobeni · a month ago

I was in expectation of this issue of Sibusiso even here in this platform.🤦 Carol Mooin please do not talk about something that you don't have complete truths. You don't even know Sibusiso and Ntobeko in person but more you don't know Sibusiso at all and none of many South Africans known them except those who staying around in the place. There's no living person here on earth who is an angel no one, even you and I Carol and anybody else. It's all about "women" it's all about "women" it's all about "women" my goodness!🤔🤦 In this world women are the angels, they're saints...? You never brought the issue of a lady who burnt her partner with an acid in the name of "GBV " did you ever brought here and said GBV in men is wara wara ? No ! If this GBV is for both genders so why if woman did bad on the man, silence is golden. But once a guy did bad on the woman : GBV, "as women we're not safe " men are cruel, men are vicious wara wara! It is clear absolutely clear GBV is for women and it against men. I wonder why from the beginning they used "G"- gender instead of "W"- woman. This was suppose to be WBV = women based violence. Men in South Africa are not protected. Carol in future try to do a thorough research, investigation, found out what was a main cause, wait till you have all truths if the matter before you embark in writing and publishing you topic! Carol do you know this guy, Sibusiso as you already judged him as cruel man? According to you was he cruel or vicious all together in his daily life? South African slogan : STOP women and children ABUSE, what about MEN?! Clearly men are aliens in this world. Men are dogs, men are this, men are that etc! Men are robots they don't feel any pain, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually??? This democracy has ruin everything! Worse it favors only women even themselves do practice harmful vicious acts to the opposite gender even children too! How come a woman dumps an infant in the rubbish heap? Are still men are dogs? It is very easy to cut and paste this "GBV" thing even where is not applicable to. Before you write your comment about Sibusiso's issue ask yourself this: If you were Sibusiso and what he went through, how you were going to do? NB: it's very easy to say or talk than do when comes to a matter that is not direct to us. As a community we've graduated well to become judges, analyzers, saints, suggesters, prosecutors etc on something that does not affiliate us. We think we better and we were to do better than what Sibusiso did. Carol you must learn to seek the background of the story first, read, Listen carefully on both sides not on one side, all the hearsay you've heard you must find your own tangible evidence, do follow up before you jump to conclusions and paste your "GBV". Try by all means to avoid to spread things that you don't have full evidence about it. And you have guts to even write about it (Sibusiso's issue) you weren't part of a scene and you never went there. You never consulted both families of Sibusiso and Ntobeko in order to get more information about them. Only you good at is to swiftly to paste GBV.

It's a very disheartening reality we have to live with. As a young woman I live in fear like most women coz you don't know who you can fall victim to. Something must be done,whether male or female we need to stop discrediting and putting aside victims. There is a rising in GBV for all genders and I hope we find a active solution that will decrease these events.

Abongile Mlaba · a month ago

I think it's time we bring about the 4B movement in SA because I don't see what is there to gain from pursuing relationships with men. They can never take accountability for their actions (and aren't expected to by this patriarchal society we live in) and women will always be to blame because, "what did she do?" "What did she say?" "What was she wearing?" "She shouldn't have pushed him." And so on... ladies do yourselves a favour and keep away from these parasites.

I don't think so , honestly we see this everyday men kills women and our government doesn't care about it where are we going to live huh? I am woman I fear man with all of my heart because most of them has evil heart.

South Africa is a movie.

Letlhogonolo Kotsedi · a month ago

Yes

Archie Weah · a month ago

Let protect our women

Vibes Over Lives: The Hypocrisy of Gender-Based Violence in South AfricaMindspace — Fri, 20 December 2024

Vibes Over Lives: The Hypocrisy of Gender-Based Violence in South Africa
Mindspace — Fri, 20 December 2024