Here is a little advice the world would rather you did not know: being shameless is liberating and, when done right, could be the best decision you’ve ever made.

We live in a world where people impose their own expectations on you from birth. Even before you’re born, your parents already know how they hope to raise you and the person they want you to be. They can’t help it. These expectations are ingrained in them, and it is these expectations that make it hard for people to live the lives they want because of boxes created for them to fit into. If you dare refuse to assimilate to this, you are painted as rebellious and shamed into submission.

If we are to live with peace of mind and be happy with ourselves, I think we need to do away with shame and encourage people to embrace shamelessness—or the idea that we know and accept ourselves as we are, and nothing a person says can sway us.

Shame is a tool that was created to effect control, force people to behave and think a certain way, and to promote some values and agendas. It can show itself in many ways, and we see it all the time when we engage with our friends and family members on things like slut-shaming, homophobia, and body-shaming. These are so ingrained in us that we even shame ourselves for not being what is expected of us—feelings that leave us feeling isolated and embarrassed—we have no choice but to follow the rule. Shame eats away at your self-awareness, self-expression, and freedom to be yourself. It is one of the many things that exacerbate mental health problems like anxiety and stress.

Family is the first image of what a society looks like. They build our view of the world and the values we must live by. It is one of the first places where we learn shame, and what is fascinating enough is how shame runs so deep that it can be felt collectively.

I spoke with 25-year-old radical feminist and thinker, Red Luminah, about what shame looks like to her. She said that shame resembles shackles and weights placed on her shoulders that she is constantly working on getting rid of, a task that is not very easy. It is in the unlearning process that she finds bravery and permission to be more shameless and kind to herself.

Red’s words echo the sentiments that by prioritising yourself and embracing a life of shamelessness, you reject society’s goal to control how things are done and how people behave. You release yourself from fear of judgment and being hurt by other people’s opinions and expectations. It is self-love made easy. Instead of people-pleasing, you instead choose to please yourself.

Now, understand that being without shame and living life on your own terms is not an invitation to behave rowdily at the expense of other people, like you have no morals. It is about understanding the hold that social pressures have on you, removing yourself from them, and choosing to live your life on your own terms. You can do that, be shameless, and still be a good person. Contrary to popular belief, a lack of shame does not make you a bad person.

For the longest time, I felt like living shamelessly or adopting a shameless lifestyle was something idealistic and could not be done. Looking at young people today has me convinced that we are on the right track. This generation is loud, bold, and lives life to the fullest. They prove just how beneficial shamelessness is when it comes to self-acceptance and authenticity—how easily it is now to access information and distribute it, and have conversations about how different we are and how to move from that. Shamelessness is about self-growth and empowerment of the self, which in turn inspires the collective to do the same. You get to understand yourself better and your position in the world, allowing you to be more resilient and stronger to external criticism. You understand that other people do not determine your self-worth or how they see you.

For people who do not understand this, or want things to remain the same, shamelessness can be seen as a bad thing or an endorsement of anarchy or hooliganism. But the truth is this: rejecting the restraints of societal judgment is a radical action that is very personal and helps you live a more happy and fulfilling life.

It is liberating, and more people should think about trying it out, even in just small doses.

Tell us: what do you think is the thing that scares people the most about living without shame?