I signed up for online dating yet again, but this time I dragged a friend along with me on my crazy crusade in finding love. On my previous attempt at online dating I used the dating site OkCupid, but this time my friend Busi and I opted for something different, Bumble.
Despite it being lockdown we gave Bumble a chance, but we weren’t getting our hopes up; we know how difficult it is to find someone who could be our potential someone special.
Disclaimer – POV refers to Point of View
Tips from us to you – Amber’s POV
If you’re looking for something serious, like we were, then let’s make one thing clear – don’t settle for anything less than what you’re really looking for. You’ll pay a high price for this if you do.
I had met a really lovely guy, he seemed wonderful and ticked all the boxes and I was ready to step into the deep end and give this, whatever it was, a shot. That was my biggest mistake. That guy only wanted to have a good time and lucky for me I realised soon enough to cut ties with him.
I was naïve in trusting every guy from what they portrayed in their profiles. I realised that some people will say things that you want to hear just to get what they want. Most guys were not interested in getting to know me, besides what I looked like. But personally, through online dating I got to know and understand what I want in a man. That’s the key, online dating is also about finding what you like and what you don’t like. What you will tolerate and what you will not. But again, don’t compromise for anything less. One of my biggest mistakes was not being myself at first, I tried to be something I wasn’t and it ended up hurting me more than helping me.
Observations – Amber’s POV
It is safe to say that yes, most guys do only want sex.
Be careful of people who won’t be here for long. Most of the profiles state, “Not here for a long time, but a good time”. If you’re looking for a good time then by all means swipe right, if not then you know what to do.
Most guys on the site had no idea what they wanted. Some claimed to be looking for a relationship yet that wasn’t at all the case; they wanted to have some fun. If you are looking for a relationship it’s best not to go for the people who don’t know what they looking for yet.
Some people like selling you dreams and let’s admit that’s what your profile does; you create a persona wanting love and acceptance.
So in all that, don’t get lost in the fantasy, remember what you are there for, if like us you are looking for love, only swipe right to the people who relate to what you are looking for.
Do not be fooled by the pictures. There are many beautiful people in the world, it doesn’t mean they are for you. If you’re looking for something serious then reading the profile is very important.
Steps to finding your special person
• Draw up a list if you don’t want to get distracted. The list must determine what you’re looking for, what you will not tolerate. Again, don’t COMPROMISE.
• Don’t get distracted by pretty faces, look at how the person treats you. Do they call or text you regularly, when will you guys meet (rather sooner than later)?
• Know when to quit – If you feel like you’re not connecting with anyone then don’t just settle for someone who seems okay. We don’t want okay, we want someone who makes our heart race when we see them, someone who annoys us yet we can’t bear to be without them, we want something real.
• Ask questions, a lot of questions. They can be on beliefs, morals and sometimes politics. You need to make sure that you are both on the same page or at least agree to disagree respectfully.
• Dating sites are not for friendships. If it’s not romantic, MOVE ON (Amber always makes friends with the guys in the end but sometimes this isn’t wise).
Creating a profile
As crazy as it sounds, creating a good profile is important. Choosing the right photos are crucial. I read somewhere that posting pictures of yourself laying down somewhere in some way leads a guy to think that you’ll sleep with him.
Have cute photos, something outside, something inside, something from different angles. It’s important to include a full body image. Do not, we repeat, do not post an image of you and your friends, this creates unnecessary questions as to who the profile actually belongs to.
Make sure that your profile is very clear about what you looking for. Whether it’s marriage, something casual or whether you have kids – don’t blindside anyone, be authentic. Your profile should leave zero doubts about how serious you are about wanting a relationship or not.
In the end…
I’ll admit that no I did not find my special someone, however in a surprising turn of events I actually rekindled my relationship with my ex-boyfriend who I had met on Bumble last year. Things are going well and I can safely say that I am happy with him. I can’t wait for lockdown to end to see him.
The first time I tried online dating it did not end well for me but I must say the second time has gone very well. I met someone on Bumble and let me just say, it has been going very well. The lockdown has given us a chance to really get to know one another without any distractions. And yes, I did not compromise this time.
Read more about Amber’s first attempt at online dating here
Tell us: After the advice received would you try online dating?