The first month after the end of a relationship may seem impossible to get through. After having recently gone through a breakup myself, those initial four weeks are some of the hardest days to get through. Here are three core approaches you can implement immediately into your life to keep yourself afloat amidst the all-consuming pain of heartbreak as you navigate your first month alone.

Go No- Contact
Immediately once the breakup happens, cut off all ties with your ex. These next four weeks are about creating a sanctuary for healing. Do not reach out to them, and do not try to “just be friends”. You are only avoiding the reality that the relationship is over and doing yourself a disservice by keeping that door open. The healing process will be exponentially faster if you make the difficult decision to go no-contact and sit with your broken heart. Unfollow them on social media, ask your friends to not update you on their life. You can inform your ex that you are going no-contact if it will help to keep yourself accountable to the no-contact process. It may be necessary to cut off friendships with mutual friends between you and your ex. The objective within the first days of the break up is to evaluate and communicate your healing process to anyone who may be associated with your ex and explain that you need distance for this first month of healing.

Cry
Sounds easy enough. It’s advice everyone feels inclined to give you when heartbreak occurs, but it remains a cornerstone of healing through grief. Healing is a slow process and can only be achieved if you have given yourself enough time to mourn. If you push down your grief you will not be able to reflect and grow from the relationship and perceive it with a perspective of gratitude. Crying has been shown to offer a cathartic release and allow us to “vent” our emotions and to “unburden ourselves” from our emotions (Miceli & Castelfranchi, 2003). Crying can shift our focus to look inwards as it is an indication of something causing us pain (Miceli & Castelfranchi, 2003). For some, you may not cry very much outside of the first few days if you haven’t fully digested the reality of the situation. Others may cry every day during these initial few weeks. There is no such thing as too little or too much crying, but rather if you feel the need to express your emotions, do it.

Find a Support System
While it may seem tempting to ruminate in bed and post sad quotes on Instagram or your Whatsapp status, you are delaying your healing process. If you go around telling everyone about how terrible your ex is, you are merely seeking ways to displace your pain. Reach out to your community. I have found comfort in my faith, my family and friends. If you feel like you don’t have anyone you trust enough to be vulnerable with, journaling is a great alternative. Everyone will differ in their needs to feel supported. For me, it meant having someone I could speak to about how I was feeling. It also meant keeping myself busy within the first four weeks. Ask your friends to organize activities for you all to do together. Go for a walk, hit the clubs, do anything you usually liked to do. During the first two weeks especially, you may not want to do anything at all. If this is more your case, watch movies or binge watch YouTube. While you should not be avoiding your pain, some distraction is healthy so that you can feel like a functioning human even for a little bit.

SADAG is a mental health non-profit organization who offer free resources and support groups for anyone who is looking for more professional assistance. I would highly recommend investigating their resources for anyone who needs guidance beyond what family and friends can offer.

As you enter this season of healing, know that time really does heal emotional wounds. It will get better, and you will love again one day.

Tell us: What strategies have helped you the most during a breakup? Share your experience with us!

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