Love and relationships occupy a significant place in our journey through life. They have the power to light up our moods and make our hearts dance—a concept known as mojolo. When the harmony of mojolo fills the air, couples joyfully sing, “Forever yena!” symbolising their eternal love. However, relationships can also come crashing down, leading to what many describe as ending “in tears.” The aftermath of such heartbreak leaves us shattered, struggling to pick up the pieces and restore our emotional well-being.
Healing from heartbreak is a complex process that demands time, self-reflection, and self-care. It is essential to acknowledge that each person’s healing journey is unique. Personally, I have experienced the pain of a failed relationship, and I know how challenging it can be. When the sun is shining, and distractions abound, it’s easy to believe that everything is okay. But as the sun sets, it leaves behind a trail of pain and anguish, forcing us to confront our heartbreak.
The age-old advice of “giving it time” holds true in such moments. However, giving it time doesn’t mean sweeping the pain under the rug and trying to forget it. The pain will naturally fade with time, but forcing the healing process will only delay true emotional recovery. One common stumbling block is dwelling on the reasons why the relationship ended. Questions like “Was I not enough?” or “Did I do something wrong?” tend to arise if one was cheated on. Unfortunately, seeking answers to these questions will seldom provide the closure one seeks.
In my case, my relationship ended when my ex confessed that they were no longer in love with me. At the age of 19, I wasn’t even aware that falling out of love could be a reason to end a relationship. I immediately jumped to conclusions, assuming there must be someone else. However, whether another person was involved didn’t contribute to my healing and moving on.
My healing process began weeks later by accepting that the relationship was over. I had to accept that I could have done nothing differently and dwelling on “what ifs” would only hinder my progress. I allowed myself to grieve the end of the relationship and threw a pity party. Talking about it with my friends became therapeutic, as their support and occasional humour helped alleviate the pain. I adopted Trevor Noah’s approach—laugh at my pain.
I embarked on a journey of self-rediscovery, learning to navigate life without the presence of my seven-month-long relationship. Basketball had been a significant part of my identity, so I returned to it and fell in love with the sport all over again. Basketball became my refuge, preventing me from seeking immediate rebounds. Rebounds can be tempting after a breakup but often involve seeking validation and distraction rather than genuine emotional connection. Rushing into a new relationship without allowing proper healing can lead to unresolved issues and emotional baggage being carried forward. Therefore, taking time for self-reflection and healing is crucial before entering a new relationship. Basketball provided that healing space for me.
Once you have healed from heartbreak, stepping out and meeting new people is important. This doesn’t necessarily mean pursuing romantic prospects; it can be an opportunity to expand your social circle and learn about different individuals. The healing journey after a breakup is deeply personal, and it’s crucial to remember that what works for one person may not work for another. Everyone’s experiences, emotions, and reasons for the breakup are unique. Cultivating empathy for oneself and others is vital during this process. Acknowledging our differences and embracing empathy paves the way for personal healing, growth, and ultimately finding peace after heartbreak.
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If you enjoyed this you will like Five stages of grief here
Tell us: Have you experienced heartbreak? What did you do to heal?