The concept of “post-relationship growth” is widely recognized, where people become the best versions of themselves after going through tough breakups. I once had a friend who, after a guy broke her heart, went on to earn a master’s degree and saved enough money to buy a new car.

 

But what is it about ending a relationship—whether long or short-term—that suddenly unlocks so much potential and productivity? Wouldn’t it make more sense to grow and glow within a relationship, fundamentally improving the connection between both partners?

 

After someone hurts us, it’s natural to grieve, then channel that energy into self-improvement. No one wants to be like Bella Swan in *The Twilight Saga: New Moon*—sitting in the same chair for months, watching the seasons change while their heart stays wounded. Many people embark on weight-loss journeys, focus on academics, advance at work, or learn new skills after a breakup. But why wait for a breakup to become motivated?

 

It’s crucial to maintain a sense of individualism, even while in love. When you make someone your “everything” and abandon your own ambitions and dreams, rebuilding your life can take a long time if the relationship ends.

 

If you want to stay productive while in a relationship, here are some ways to continue your personal growth:

 

Set Boundaries

While compromise is essential in relationships, setting boundaries is equally important. If you’ve made a goal to study for two hours every night or run for 30 minutes every afternoon, don’t let your partner disrupt your focus or convince you not to take your goals seriously. Your choices are yours, and you can’t blame your partner for distractions if you don’t achieve your dreams.

 

Set Goals

Define specific goals for yourself and put them on a vision board, either digitally or in a physical space in your room. Evaluate your vision daily and ask yourself if your actions align with your future aspirations. Your goals could be anything—getting healthier, achieving certain grades, starting and growing a business, or improving a skill that brings you joy and a sense of accomplishment.

 

Let Them In

Having dreams and goals is important, but so is open communication. Talk about your goals with your partner, and share any commitments that may require your time and focus. Being transparent with your partner is much better than distancing yourself without explanation to pursue new tasks.

 

Young People Weigh In

I spoke to two young individuals, Vinolia Malema and Yolanda Klaas, who are in long-term relationships and work hard to be successful as individuals.

 

Vinolia Malema, a nail technician and businesswoman, shares that her boyfriend supports her in all her endeavors:

“He is like my business partner the way he encourages me all the time. I work hard and I am always hustling.”

 

Yolanda Klaas, an admin assistant and aspiring writer, says his wife and her writing career inspire him:

“We always take on writing projects together. We work well together, and I don’t view her as a distraction at all. She encourages me to be the best version of myself, and I’d be more distracted without her keeping me in check.”

You and your partner should inspire each other to greatness. If you view a relationship as a place where you can “let yourself go”—whether financially, academically, physically, professionally, or mentally—consider changing that perspective. Give your partner (and yourself) the best version of you. Keep learning, moving, and growing.

 

What are some ways people in relationships can support their partners in their pursuits?

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