Imagine this; you’ve just met this amazing human. They’re everything you’ve ever wanted in a Significant Other and more.

They get you in ways that leave you filled with unbridled joy. Above all, they’re not afraid to show you just how much you mean to them, be it in front of family or friends. Sometimes in little cute ways like holding your hand in public – because nothing says I love you like being claimed in public, right?

They talk you up, they brag about you to their friends. And you know without a shadow of a doubt that if you ever needed them, they will be there for you no questions asked.

However, there is a fine line between being loved healthily and being smothered with love.

Being suffocated is a recipe for a toxic relationship. Sadly, it’s not always easy to notice this in its early stages, and during this time your partner might even kick things a notch up. You will only notice this when they want more intimacy and you can’t reciprocate. At this point, the excitement of being around your SO might even be replaced by a growing need to be alone.

If you feel like this in your relationship, you are unfortunately being smothered. Depending on how well you and your partner communicate, this does not have to spell the end of your relationship. Getting some advice from a family member you trust or seeing a relationship counsellor can help you understand that in a healthy relationship time apart doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with the relationship. If anything is it necessary to build a stronger foundation.

Here are some of the signs that indicate you are being smothered with love:

They make you feel guilty for wanting some alone time
In an unhealthy relationship, asking for some time alone may be perceived as pulling away, not a time for self-care. But how can you stay the same person your partner fell in love with if you have no room for self-improvement?

They isolate you
Isolation does not happen in an instant. It will start with him or her warning you about certain people in your life, be it, friends or family. With time you will notice that your relationship with these people is not what it used to be. Once your support system has been weakened it makes it easy for your SO to manipulate or even abuse you, because you have no one to turn to.

You can’t cough without them saying “bless you”
On that rare occasion where you get to go out without your friends, you must check in with your Love to give them an update of your whereabouts regularly. This is a sign of deep insecurity. This is a demon that can only be defeated by your partner. It’s not your battle to fight, the best you can do is to make them aware of it and how it is affecting your relationship.

No privacy
You find yourself having to explain who you are chatting to. Your partner might even insist on seeing who you are messaging or who you chatting to online. Usually, this comes up when trust in the relationship is broken or your partner is getting to that ugly point of being controlling. These signs might spell the end of what could have otherwise been a great relationship. At worst, it could be the beginning of an abusive one. But don’t despair. There are things you can do to prevent this from escalating any further, here’s how…

Set boundaries
You should never feel scared to let you partner know what your deal breakers are. This way it becomes hard for them to disregard your needs. Make no mistake; a person who cares about you will respect your boundaries.

Communicating
You’ve probably heard the saying that the key to a healthy relationship is communication. This is true. Unfortunately, the reason most relationships end up turning sour is that most of us fail to establish healthy communication habits before becoming exclusive. We worry that if the object of our affection does not agree, they might leave us. Only a person who is looking to waste your time will run for the hills when you talk about your feelings and what you’re hoping to get out the relationship.

Counselling
Most people often seek counselling when the relationship hits rock bottom or just before marriage. Seeking counselling even when the relationship still runs like a well-oiled machine is important. It teaches you and your partner healthy ways of communicating. It prevents serious problems from occurring (like the ones stated above) and, most importantly, it improves relationship skills. Seeking professional help may be a bit costly, and if you can’t afford it, this doesn’t have to be the route you take. Talking to a couple that you trust and admire is another option.

Finally, take stock of your relationship
It is important to get into a safe space where you can both talk about your feelings without fear. What does this mean? It means having discussions about your relationship, to see if you’re still happy with the way it’s going, and how it can be improved.

Taking stock of your relationship regularly means you can immediately notice when you are no longer on the same page and hopefully you can fix that right away. Whatever you do, DO NOT SETTLE! We all deserve the kind of Romeo and Juliet type of love…wait that ended tragically, scratch that, but you know what I mean, right?

Read about how to get out of a toxic relationship here

Have you ever felt suffocated in your relationship? How did you deal with it?