Relationships, and all they represent in our lives, present a conundrum of facets that cannot be ignored. There are so many moving parts associated with two people merging and being in one another’s lives that there can never be a one-size-fits-all approach to romantic connections.
On various social media platforms, however, there seems to be a trend circulating which involves people boasting about how amazing their partners are and urging others to “never settle for less”. While I understand the value of having “standards”, one should never base the validity of their relationship on ideals propagated online.
The “if they wanted to, they would” archetype, in particular, tends to perpetuate certain relationship typologies as ideal and denote others as people simply “settling” for whatever their partners put them through.
While all connections involve a give-and-take dynamic, the paradigms of all relationships are unique and face various challenges. Just because a person treats their significant other with expensive gifts does not make them good partners. Further to this, being a good communicator does not necessarily equate to loyalty and longevity, despite regular and respectful engagement vital to a relationship.
There are always aspects to a connection that need work. That doesn’t mean people should settle for partners who don’t try to make them happy. However, it is imperative to appreciate what you do have and calmly communicate your needs to improve the partnership.
Don’t base your assumptions about how relationships “should be” on social media trends. People rarely speak about their problems online, and who knows? They might be experiencing the height of grief and sadness while flaunting their ivory towers on carefully constricted reels posted online.
Here are some ways I suggest evaluating and improving your existing relationship without utilising social media as a yardstick for comparison.
- Communicate your needs
Despite what many online influencers would lead you to believe, your person will not “just know” what you need. If you’d like your partner to text you throughout the day, tell them. Communicate what your love languages are so that your bae can offer you affection in a way that makes you feel seen. Engaging openly about your needs is essential to any relationship, romantic or otherwise.
- Understand the context
If your partner tries to make you happy, calls regularly, is loyal, understands your boundaries, and is kind, appreciate them! Don’t allow anyone to tell you that what you’re receiving is the “bare minimum”. You cannot expect someone who is a student to surprise you with a yacht. If you’d like extravagant gifts, date people who can give them to you instead of putting pressure on your partner, who may not be in the stage of life to spend money excessively.
- Everyone has problems
Every relationship has challenges. Communicate what your dealbreakers are, and then decide whether you’d like to remain in the connection. Don’t make yourself unhappy just to be with someone. But make sure that your standards are set by you, and not influencers who are paid to portray the lush life and unrealistic lifestyles on social media.
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Do not allow the small snippets people decide to share about their lives online to dictate the functionality of your relationship. Do not settle for the bare minimum, but only you can decide what that is. Be happy and understand that how people present their relationships online is through a lens of minimalism and carefully scripted narratives.
What do you think of social media relationships and the “if they wanted to, they would” ideal?
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