I have been tired for two-and-half-years. I sleep my recommended eight hours every night. I try to rest when I can, but nothing seems to rid me of the heaviness in my limbs and itchiness in my eyes that make functioning difficult at times.
I realised a little while ago that my exhaustion is not physical. My exhaustion stems from deep within my mental and emotional space. The difficulty with such a realisation is the understanding that sleep is not the answer.
But then what is?
Living through trauma
The past two-and-a-half years have been difficult for everyone worldwide. The pandemic resulted in a collective trauma characterised largely by suffering and in some cases death. We should never underestimate the emotional strain that living through such a life-changing and unprecedented period took on us all.
The pandemic forced us to care – about ourselves and others – in a very urgent and confronting way. We rallied, with a sense of “we’re all in this together”; but soon our cups of empathy, sympathy, compassion and understanding began to drain away. And as my mother always told me: you can’t pour from an empty cup.
I can’t speak for everyone, but I have a suspicion that the exhaustion we are feeling is more than that. It is fatigue – compassion fatigue.
What is compassion fatigue?
Compassion fatigue, sometimes called burnout, is the physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion associated with helping and caring for those who have experienced stress, trauma, or emotional distress.
Anyone can experience compassion fatigue but those at greatest risk are carers (of any kind) and those in service positions (nurses, therapists, teachers etc).
The most important thing to remember with compassion fatigue is that you don’t need to have experienced a specific trauma or be working a particular job to have it. Trauma is trauma and pain is pain – we are all affected by these things in different ways and one person’s fatigue cannot be compared to another’s.
How do I know if I have compassion fatigue?
Compassion fatigue looks different on everyone because we all experience and process trauma in different ways. However, there are a few signs to look out for and a few questions you can ask yourself:
- Am I experiencing drastic shifts in mood? Am I very happy one day and very sad the next?
- Am I developing a negative outlook? Do I think that everything will go wrong all the time?
- Am I irritable, agitated, or angry a lot? Does everyone get on my nerves?
- Have I withdrawn from friends and family? Do I prefer to be by myself for long periods of time?
- Am I struggling to concentrate on everyday tasks? Do I struggle to brush my teeth, bathe, and feed myself?
- Am I having difficulty falling and/or staying asleep?
- Have I lost my appetite and interest in food and/ or other pleasurable activities?
What can I do about it?
The universally accepted “treatment” for compassion fatigue is simple, in theory: we need to practice more self-care. But what is self-care and how do you know if it’s working or not?
The tricky thing about self-care is that there is no one-size-fits-all approach. The definition of self-care changes depending on who you ask. Through my own journey I have established a few things when it comes to identifying what self-care looks like to me and the most important question is: What do I need in this moment?
The way we look after ourselves, ensuring that our bodies and our minds are functioning optimally, is by finding out and listening to our needs.
What you need will be different from what your sister, friend, mother, or father might need. What you need might also change from day to day. So really, it’s best to focus on the present moment and try to give yourself what you need right now.
For me that could look like a walk outside, a cup of tea, a bath, a session with my psychologist, a journaling session or just a good conversation with a close friend who really understands me.
Take a moment to think about what brings you joy, makes you feel relaxed, and connects you to yourself.
Is it possible to care too much?
I don’t think it should be a question of caring too much. Caring is a beautiful quality and I believe the world would be a better place if more of us did it.
The most important part about caring is making sure you do it when you have the capacity. This is easier said than done, of course. But, if you are a person who is being called upon to care for many people in your life (if you are seen as the rock of the family or the relationship), you need to show some of that compassion to yourself as well.
There is only one of you. You deserve to be taken care of as well.
Tell us: Have you experienced compassion fatigue? Or do you know someone who has?