You thought you had found The One, the person who says all the right things and makes you feel like you’re on top of the world. You see, he or she says all the things you want to hear. There’s passion, there’s fire and you can’t seem to get enough of each othe. You’re convinced it’s true love and already planning your future together. You’re picking out baby names and talking about marriage. They seem perfect in every way. The only problem is that perfect doesn’t exist, as you’ve come to learn, because a love bomber tries to control you in every possible way and that is not what love is supposed to be. Instead, what you may be experiencing is love bombing.
According to Banner Health love bombing is described, “… as a controlling and manipulative tactic most often used by narcissists and abusive people. They seek to quickly obtain affection and attention before tearing their victims down. They may appear charming and exciting in the beginning, but this usually fades away and is replaced with emotional abuse.”
Melissa Meyer (not her real name), 25, fell victim to love bombing. “I didn’t know I was being love bombed until I left the relationship. He would get me all types of gifts and shower me with so much love, it felt uncomfortable. He wanted for me to show affection as intensely as he did and I couldn’t. He would use that to make it seem I was incapable of loving as hard as he did, but it was all a way to make me feel crappy about myself and seek validation from him. It was a draining vicious circle, and I kept going back because he knew what buttons to push. It took a while to leave, but I did, after seeing just how manipulative he was.”
Love bombing can often be linked to insecurity and past trauma, according to experts at Cleaveland Clinic. Those with an anxious or insecure attachment style, or those with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), may be more prone to using love bombing as a manipulative tactic. Unfortunately, individuals may learn this behaviour from those close to them or from past abusive relationships. It’s important to be aware of these patterns and seek help if you or someone you know is experiencing love bombing.
Are you unsure about whether your partner’s behaviour is healthy or not? Look out for these signs of love bombing:
- Excessive gifts: Your partner may constantly give you expensive gifts, even when you tell them it’s not necessary. They may later use this as a way to prove their love for you.
- Overwhelming compliments: Your partner may shower you with compliments before getting to know you well, which can seem fake.
- Always wants your attention: Your partner may demand your attention all the time, even if it means pulling you away from your family and friends. They may also constantly check in on you.
- Rushing into things: Your partner may talk about marriage or other future plans, even if you’ve just met.
- Feeling overwhelmed: If you’re feeling confused or overwhelmed, and your partner doesn’t listen or care about your feelings, it could be a sign of love bombing.
- Lack of respect for boundaries: If your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries and makes you feel bad for saying no, it could be a sign of manipulation or gaslighting.
Remember, healthy relationships are built on respect, communication, and trust. Don’t be afraid to seek help if you’re experiencing love bombing or any other form of abuse in your relationship.
How to leave such a toxic relationship
If you’re in a love-bombing relationship and feel trapped, it can be difficult to know how to leave. The first step is to reach out to family and friends for support. Talk to them about your situation and ask for their help. Next, have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Do this in a public place or with someone else present, as your partner may not react well to your decision. If your partner shows no concern or dismisses your concerns, it’s time to end the relationship. Moving forward, take the time to establish healthy boundaries with future partners and don’t be afraid to seek professional help if needed. Remember, you deserve to be in a healthy and respectful relationship.
Recognising genuine love in a relationship can be tough, especially when starting out. One of the most important things to look for is respect for your boundaries. A partner who truly cares about you will listen to your needs and never pressure you into doing something you’re uncomfortable with. Open communication is also key – if you’re able to have honest conversations about your feelings and concerns, it’s a good sign that you’re in a healthy relationship. Remember, love should make you feel happy, respected, and valued. If you ever feel unsure or uncomfortable, don’t be afraid to talk to your partner and seek advice from trusted friends or family.
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Tell us: Can you describe a time when you felt like someone was love-bombing you or when you may have engaged in love-bombing behaviour towards someone else? How did it make you feel and what did you learn from the experience?
Read more here about falling in love too easily.