We’ve just celebrated Valentine’s Day, love is in the air, and if Cupid didn’t miss you, you’re madly in love with your partner and are considering moving in together. Moving in together can be seen as the next step to solidifying your relationship, but if not done right it might be the catalyst to your demise. These are the things to look out for to ensure you do it right.
- Reason for moving in together. According to Forbes Magazine a lot of people are moving together because it makes financial sense. But this doesn’t necessarily mean it makes sense for your lives. Moving in together should make sense in the direction of your relationship.
- Location. Agree to a mutual location. The location should be closer to where you both work; if you work in different parts, it should be at least central. It should be a place you can afford comfortably.
- Lease agreement/backup plan. This might seem a bit pessimistic for people who are considering moving in together and do not want to think about a life that doesn’t include the other person. But we all know mojolo is unpredictable, sometimes it ends in tears. Whose name is going on the lease agreement, and should you two break up and one person has to move out, what sort of financial help is there for that person? If your name is on the lease, and you and your partner unfortunately break up, are they moving out and have you set up some money aside to help them with the move and to secure a lease somewhere else? Do you divide household items? Or is it a matter of “I bought it, I keep it”? Put in place a backup plan for all these things.
- Money! Moving in together makes sense in the direction of your life, it also makes sense financially; now it is time to talk about the finances. Money is the root of all evil they say, but in this capitalistic world it is also the root of all happiness. You and your partner have to have the money talk. How are bills split between you two? The best way to do this is to calculate all your bills, add them up – and discuss how you’re each contributing to pay them.
- Chores! If you’ve had siblings you know splitting up chores can be a pain in the backside. Dividing chores amongst yourselves or taking turns to do things can be a great way to do this. If you make dinner tonight, your partner washes dishes. Cleaning the house, laundry – all these should be discussed to avoid frustrations.
- Personal habits. Ready yourself for revelations of your partner’s habits which you may not have seen when not living together. Your partner showers with loud music – and you’re not up for that in the morning. You like leaving cupboards open – and your partner is a neat freak. These are all things you need to prepare for. You both need to make the conscious effort to be better or compromise; some things are embedded in who people are and it is not easy to change.
- Intimacy. According to Diana Sadat, a clinical counsellor and sex therapist, the first week of moving in together might be great for your sex life – but as time goes this may change. This is not necessarily a serious problem – it could be you and your partner have now created intimacy beyond sex, and neglected it. Or it could the sense of mystery and adventure is gone as you see each other everyday in ways you haven’t before. On the flip side of that coin is, you could start to have better sex, Diana says. The bond you create can lead to more passion. Prepare for both.
- Team work. Moving in together means you are now a team. Much like in sport, a team has single goal in mind – and that goal is to win, with different players playing different roles. Use each other’s strengths – if your partner is good with money, let them handle the finances. You are good with planning, handle the dates and other adventures. When you are arguing, find what the problem is and fight it together and not fight each other.
Vat ‘n sit is not for everyone, but if you and your partner are considering it, be prepared.
If you enjoyed this, you might like #DateMyFamily here
Do you think moving in together is important, why or why not?